Take me to your … compost pile? (Photo by John DeNardo, available under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial License)
So how exactly do you follow up after a post full of highlights like running into your gynecologist on your first just-divorced date, evil taunting from planet Earth and a phone call from your ex husband’s new wife’s pastor?
How about with green aliens, two people creepily melding into one body plus an ominous countdown to doom. (I may be exaggerating on that last one, but not by much.)
So here it is. The final five of…
The Top 10 Bat-Shit Crazy Things You Never Thought You’d Have to Deal with, Post-Divorce
(And if you’re a slacker and haven’t yet read 1-5, click here. And catch up, will ya? Geez.)
5. Your ex and his girlfriend post a website to celebrate their upcoming sacred nuptials — within months of your totally surprising divorce — complete with pictures of your children under the headings “Our beautiful daughter” and “Our oldest son.”
Um.
Who’s daughter and son, exactly?
Oh, that’s right…MINE. Sure they’re “ours” (as in, mine and my ex-husband’s), but certainly not “ours” (as in, my ex-husband’s and his soon-to-be-new-wife’s).
Were they both her future step-children? Absolutely, and like so many others in similar situations, I had to resign myself to having no control or say in that. But to be so brazen as to imply that these children — my children — were born to them of natural means was just, well, inappropriate. And kinda creepy.
And speaking of creepy…
4. Your ex and his new wife become one. And I don’t mean through marriage.
So here’s how this story unfolded (you may need a bouncing ball for this one, so my apologies if it’s convoluted. But the payoff is big, so stay with me…).
A few months ago I received a text from the ex’s wife indicating she and my ex had secured a “last minute” appointment for my daughter with an eye doctor because they had “great concern” about her vision. The ex’s wife was texting while in the appointment, telling me there was no notice because it was so-totally last minute. Apparently, the digital age means nothing to these people, despite the fact that they both have iPhones, and despite the time it took to go to the school, pick up my daughter, then take her to the doctor. No time. None. Zero.
Anyhow, the text said (and mind you, this is a quote): “[Ex’s name omitted] and I are with her and she is doing so so on the tests but having a good time.”
She said she would let me know the outcome.
Given my own great concern over their “great concern,” I immediately called and texted her back. No answer, no response. I told her to tell me where they were, and I’d be right there. Nothing. Until 3 hours later, when she indicated that they had “no cell signal in the building.” Fascinating, especially in light of the fact that the initial text from the exam room got to me just fine. Damn traveling cell signals.
So the interesting part of the story happened when my daughter (with her perfectly perfect eyes, no need to worry) recapped the appointment. Apparently, the ex’s wife wasn’t there at all. Didn’t even so much as pick her up from school. Instead, it seems the whole text from the exam room was a rouse in an effort to rub salt in the wound that she was at an appointment with my daughter, and I wasn’t.
I called them on the lie, of course. The response: They were baffled that I would accuse them of such a thing, because, and I quote again,
“You need to understand that in our home, there is no separation between [ex’s new wife’s name] and myself — we are a ‘we.’”
Boy? Girl? Confused...
Seriously. Two bodies living in one was their excuse.
So I’m wondering: When they pee — men’s room or ladies’ room?
And perhaps the bigger, more relevant question: Boxers or thong?
Must be confusing to be them. I mean, to “it.” 😉
3. Your children come home from a week with their father and step-mother and burst into tears as they tell you there’s a countdown to when they are all moving two states away, and it currently stands at 242 days.
Yip, my children were told they were moving to Oregon. They were shown where they’d go to high school, where my daughter’s dance classes would be held, where they’d shop for groceries once they moved, everything. This was all BEFORE I was told anything about even the potential for my children relocating, which I of course nipped in the bud once I confronted my ex about the countdown.
So during this “countdown confrontation” meeting, my ex proposed a compromise: they would take my daughter to Oregon and leave my son behind, with me. Considering his new wife has two sons of her own, seems the extra penis in the house was superfluous, yet keeping my daughter would help balance the boy-parts-to-girl-parts ratio.
Can you say, “Not in a million years”? And maybe now can you understand my “countdown to doom” mentality.
Hyperbole? Maybe not so much.
2. Your first “relationship” stemming from your own bat-shit-crazy idea to sign up for Match.com ends up proclaiming his love for you on day #7 of even KNOWING you. Oh yeah, and this is 2 days after he admits his desire for you to “go green.”
The best part of this story: He’s not talking about a commitment to eco-salvation through keeping a compost pile stocked with chicken manure, toenail clippings, dryer lint and dead starfish (seriously, I looked it up … these are all “compostable” materials!)
Nope, he wants to paint you green, just like the alien chick in the recently released Star Trek movie.
Ewwww.
…and the NUMBER 1 Bat-Shit Crazy thing you never thought you’d have to deal with, post-divorce…
(Before we begin this one, let me appeal to all women out there to channel their maternal sides, and to all men out there to consider what it must feel like to be a mommy. The pride. The joy. The amazing idea that someone that you evacuated from your very body is a living, breathing, wonderful human being. Then imagine you discover the man you made this baby with (hope I didn’t lose you there, male readers) decides you’re not right for him (fair enough) and that he’s going to reunite with his ex-girlfriend from high school. Again, ok, but at least respect me as the mommy in the aftermath of this whole fiasco, right? Wrong.)
…so (drum roll, please), the NUMBER 1 Bat-Shit Crazy thing you never thought you’d have to deal with, post-divorce…
1. You take your amazing daughter to have her very long, beautiful (and mommy-like) hair “trimmed and styled” by a professional hairdresser. The following week, while that same daughter is in the custody of your ex and his new wife, they take her for ANOTHER hair cut. That’s right, the very next week.
And she returns to your custodial care in tears. Because guess how her once-long, beautiful hair now looks?
How ‘bout in a completely chopped wedge — the EXACT style sported by your ex husband’s new wife.
Simply. Awesome.
OK, so there’s my list. Now I ask you to please add a comment that explains your own drama — whether you’ve experienced it yourself or watched someone who has. I for one would love to read all about it, if for no other reason than to know that I’m not the only one going through the bat-shit crazies! Please share…
As a child of divorced parents, twice, it totally sucks having to go thru that crap. As the mother of a teenager, be thankful that they still unconditionally love you. When I was “almost divorced” my teenager at the time 16 going on 17 was totally in her dad’s camp. That was the hardest part for me…being completely ALONE in the house with my kid and my spouse. You rightfully should relish the time you have with your little pawns and the evil new step mother needs to step off. All you can do is be the best mommy you can, and rather than call them out each time, just reinforce your relationship with your offspring. And never forget you are the momma tiger, and protect your cubs at all costs. Do not let them make you feel bad because you are a passionate mom that will never feel good about the possibility of either of your children being two states away. That is just not okay! You may have to deal with longer extended separations, but don’t split the sibs. I hope you prevail!
Kimberlee…thank you! I will prevail, I have no doubt — because as you noted, I am the mommy, and I will do anything in my power to protect my children.
And thank you so much for sharing your story as well. I can’t imagine how hard that must have been for you — to feel like you had no allies, no one to talk with in your own home. It sounds like things are back on a good path, however — congrats! Given your obvious commitment to your family, they are so lucky to have you. 🙂
Mine didn’t leave me for her, but she was his “real love” from before we met. They have also become one, with one mind, one soul, etc. to which I say, “Thank God it wasn’t me he assimilated!” The kid stuff sucks Mikalee. Really sucks. But thank God he didn’t assimilate you! Your kids will always be your kids (in all ways). They know who their mom is and who truly loves them for them.
You are so right, Jackie. The funny thing is, perhaps the reason he left me and returned to her is because I wouldn’t assimilate — because I was too strong willed and confident in myself. I truly believe some men need a weak woman, and it sounds like perhaps we’re in the same boat there with our previous spouses.
We are better off. And truly, if you think about it, we are lucky for the chance to discover our 2.0, 3.0, 4.0 and so on versions! 🙂
I too would not assimilate so after 20 years he found someone else… (Who looks like a guy… ) Anyway I saw this on Pintrest and found it very helpful in this situation :
The narcissist sociopath chose you because you are brilliant, bright, compassionate and caring.
He chose you because of all the qualities he lacks and expected you would prop up his low self-esteem and fragile ego.
You defeated the monster with your beautiful heart and you became stronger in the process.
So he moved on to a weaker woman.
One that will look past his lies and tolerate his abuse.
Keep your integrity and heart intact.
This evil man chose to walk away from you because of your strength and because
you saw through his fake personality.
What an amazing testimonial to your potential and spirit.
Focus on that and realise that you fell in love with an illusion.
There are far better men in the world who will love you and cherish you.
They will not lie and play games with you and blame you for their bad behaviour.
They will take responsibility for their emotional state and not expect you to nurse their fragile ego and be a scapegoat for their unresolved emotions.
__________
As a mom I hurt imagining going through this! Thanks for posting.
Thank you, Kate, for commenting! 🙂
This whole situation wouldn’t be even remotely as tragic — if it weren’t for my two amazing children. They are my heart and soul, and the only thing that tortures me is the games that impact them — whether they are currently aware or not.
But I’ll get through it … thanks to the support of friends, family, blog readers, a good boyfriend and an occasional glass of really great wine!
It would be really hard to believe that these things could really happen because who does this kind of stuff??? However, I watched it happen!! As the saying goes “I wouldn’t have believed it if I hadn’t seen it”! Well, I did see it! No one should have to go through what you’ve gone through but please always remember that you are an amazing mom and friend!
Karena…thank you from the bottom of my heart. I’m just grateful I’ve had friends like you throughout the process, so that I could recap it all and follow said recap with, “Now, I may be crazy, but this just isn’t normal…right?” 😉
Thanks for keeping me grounded, my beautiful friend!
OMG – your ex has shacked up with Yoko Ono! I think you have the patience of a saint – I’d have taken the scissors to the wife’s hair myself given half a chance 😉 Seriously this is unbelievable, I’m so sorry that you are having to deal with all this, I hope there’s some seriously amazing kharma coming your way very soon.
Thank you for stopping by, reading and commenting! 🙂
And I’m sure counting on the good karma. I’ll admit that there have been times when scissors to the hair was a brief thought that crossed a path in my mind, but all I have to think about is my two amazing children to realize taking the above-board approach is the only option.
Bring on the good karma and wonderful rewards! 😉
Woof! Indeed batshit crazy divorces are a fitting title. Where to begin,um, I missed the signs although I had my own impressiions, but the dirt first. I tend to be the good half, encouraging my son into activities that would benefit him greatly. When they are scheduled, he always has something else to do. My word, he is the busiest 8 year old in the state of N.C. Periodically I’m the only one who treats him to free things like the beach, which I get yelled at, I live on beach. I tend to have a nightmare that is continued almost weekly of, “I’m giving up, am moving back to Washington, and there’s nothing you can do to stop me.” and finally my favorite, ” um Shawn, I mean dad.” that’s the one that makes my damn skin crawl.
Good luck with the batshit.
Regards
GVanguard
Wow … good luck to you, my blogging friend! Seems we all have our own bat shit crazy stuff to deal with in the aftermath of divorce. Why can’t it just be easy? 😉
Many of these indicate that the new wife has a scrappy streak. Bogus texts, making up stuff about you to tell your daughter, removing her nail polish and re-cutting her hair? That’s just miserable scrappy stuff. It is divisive. Apparently it’s something you’ll have to tolerate until they are 18 and can decide they have had enough of it.
Consider building an account for their post-high-school education. This current stage is temporary but before long their feet are going to hit the pavement. There’s no need to challenge the ex and the scrappy new mom to do the same thing. Be the one who thinks that far ahead.
Captain Kirk always got the alien babes. I take it you’re not interested in being green! I can’t say I’ve ever asked a woman to do the body paint thing. That’s a little extra. I bet that guy hears “no” a lot.
“Scrappy,” huh? I like that word. I just can’t imagine ever doing these things, and thinking it’s ok. Especially given the situation. I mean, there’s a classy way to approach a new relationship with a man who has children — this was not the way.
And btw, I never said I wouldn’t consider the whole “green” thing…just not on week #1 of knowing him! Remember the Friends episode when Rachel dresses up like Princess Leia? That’s because they knew each other for longer than a week… 😉
Holy cr@p–your ex is psycho. Psyyyyyyccccchhhhhooooooooo. Psycho. *ahem*
I am so sorry you’re going through this–and I hope the poorly-written legal pfiff you received when you got back from your vacation goes away with speed. What a boll weevil to try to shut you up. You don’t get to silence people just because you don’t like what they’re saying. Grr–so peeved on your behalf.
Thank you, Phouka, for the sympathetic peeved-ness. And yes, I just made that word up…
I’ll keep you posted on the legal battle. It’s about to get interesting, because I will NOT STFU!
OMG! Shame on that hairdresser first of all and kudos to you for being able to find the humor . What a crazy bitch! Makes you wonder who you really married – looks like it might be a backhanded win for you in the long run.
Me- drama – oh yeah, girl ! No kids with the Jack Ass, TG!
Found out he flat out lied about his so called Military career – he was really a draft dodger. He forged my signature on an $85,000 purchase. Those are just a couple of the printable highlights.
Wow — what’s up with these crazy dudes? And yes, we’re SO much better off!
And just to clarify, I took my daughter to my hairdresser; she took my daughter to another hairdresser. So the hairdresser had no way of knowing…
But the step mom, of course, did! 🙁
Hey there. So I am slowly catching up! I too, have gone through the X’s cutting my daughter’s hair. I have a son, 15, and then two daughters, agess 12 and 10. Thick as thieves. My X’s first “common law wife” of 4 years after we separated decided to take my oldest daughter for the haircut with X’s blessing, when she was 5, and it was about 3 days before pictures at school (double whammy there). She also Thanked me (!!!) when I once drove all three of them up to Toronto for a weekend with X, only to come face to face with her answering the door, explaining that X was late getting “home” and that it was “great” of me to allow the kids to be there on the same weekend as hers were, so that “X and I can have every other weekend to ourselves to bond as a couple.” Then she shut the door in my face while I stood there, speechless. At the time, the kids were 3, 5, and 8. She had 4 kids ranging from 4 to 12. I can’t even explain the multitude of emotions I was feeling during those moments, other than I am positive that I was deeply, irreversibly, hurt. That fucking bitch stole MY husband and this is what she says to my face. Nice ay? LOL
Well, that was a bit much. Thanks for the venting outlet…..!
You’re absolutely welcome for the outlet, and I do hope you know we all deserve better. That’s the bottom line here: We’d have nothing to complain about (and heal from) if we’d just be treated with respect.
I can definitely relate to the deep, irreversible pain. An example for me: seeing my children sitting on the baseball bleachers with her, my ex, her kids and my former father-in-law, like one big happy family, only weeks after the divorce was final. That SUCKED.
Stay positive, Cat. And keep repeating the mantra: We’re better off! 🙂
holy crap crazy ass life you live! if some lady cut my daughters hair before me and cut it like hers i would attack her. i seriously cannot believe they told your kids they were moving and showed them their new school and dance class studio……..Good luck!
All true, Megan…and yes, my daggers almost came out with the hair situation, but I just had to breathe through it and know the high road was the only road I could take.
And thanks for the luck, as I’m sure to need it!
how did the wicked couple force your daughter to get another hair cut?
Well, we have 50-50 joint physical custody, and my daughter was only 6 at the time. So since I have no control over the choices they make on their time, and since my daughter was too young to be able to do anything to protest…that’s how it happened. 🙁
Oh, I just happened to stumble in here by misstake. Got stuck reading, reading and reading. It’s like a big faschinating horror story unfolding and I just have to keep reading just one more page. Need my sleep thought, so it’s bookmarking and continueing (is that the correct word? I’m a dumb Swede :P) reading tomorrow.
I have all my hopes on you and your children ending up as the winners. 🙂
Maybe next time I visit I’ll print down a short story of my divorce. Seems like you don’t have many male commenting here. Strange eh? ;P
//Mikael
Well, welcome to my blog…and I’m sorry I kept you from sleeping! But I’m grateful for the feedback and well wishes.
Yes, it is like one giant horror story, especially when you’re living it. But as with every horror story, someone comes out stronger (if not the winner).
I look forward to hearing about your situation — the more perspectives, the better!
MB
My heart goes out to your children and you. I was pleased when mine finally left but I still asked him to try again because that was what my children wanted. He has, since then, let them down so many times that it is a sad joke in our house. The worst time was when they were around at his house for New Year. They like to have Christmas at home although they have always been free to choose to go to his. On this occasion he had invited them over and then, after having them there for a couple of days he told them they would have to go home instead of stay for the New Year because his girlfriend was moving in with him. At this point they didn’t even know that he had a girlfriend! So they have dealt with rejection after rejection. I don’t know what is worse – what you are going through with their desire to possess your kids completely or what my children had which was to be wheeled out at convenient moments to prove to his colleagues what a good and hands on dad he still was.
Look forward to the future – I am sure your kids will see these idiots for what they are as long as you continue to show them how much you love them.
My heart breaks for your children…you write, “I don’t know what is worse,” and yet I think both types of parents leave permanent scars on children. And even deeper scars on the mothers who only want desperately to protect them.
Thank you for reading and commenting!
Your blog is priceless. It’s the best worst thing I’ve ever read.
Thank you … I think? 😉
are you effing serious? those are YOUR children. it was YOU that carried them for nine months not them. furthermore for all these years it was YOU that raised them not the wicked witch step mother (actually she doesn’t even deserve the title “mother”, it’s not like she’s raised them) They can’t just take YOUR children away to a different state without discussing it with you. I strongly suggest that you appeal for sole custody (if you already haven’t) but seriously don’t give up! You have more right over those children than your ex husband and his new wife. If he wanted a divorce and be with someone else then fair enough. good for him. But your children should not have to deal with the consequences of his decisions. He chose to be with her. Doesn’t mean your children have to put up with his nonsense. It honestly infuriates me that your ex husband and his new wife think it’s okay separate a mother from HER children. She has her own children to take care of hence she should keep her dirty hands off yours!
Good luck and I hope that neither of your children are taken away from you. <3
Thank you so much for such kind words of support. You are absolutely right about the idea that the children should not suffer consequences, and yet I think ultimately, the courts look at them as my consequences: I made a poor choice by marrying this man, thus my punishment is losing them 50% of the time. In my state, 50-50 joint physical custody is the standard unless poor parental judgment is illustrated.
I don’t even know you and my heart hurts for you. Just find some solace in the fact that someday, your children will understand what a *$%& (rhymes with “bunt”) ‘Marilyn’ is. She won’t have control forever. Karma is gonna get her. Good luck to you.
You’ll have to stick around … I have an upcoming post on karma, because that does seem to be a common theme in my life.
Thanks for your perspective. It’s always helpful to know that I’m not crazy for assuming these things shouldn’t happen. 😉
WTH???
Do your ex and his wife know ANYthing about children, psychology and/or NORMAL human behaviour????
The haircut-fiasco alone would have pained me greatly.
In answer to your question: no. Clearly not… 🙁
And yes, the haircut was awful. Funny, because in hindsight, that was such an ordeal — yet now, compared to the rest, it is but a small hiccup!
Thank you for the comment!
A lot of the things that the stepmom are doing is blatant parental alienation. I don’t know what your lawyer / parenting plan says about that. I’ve kept almost 20 pages of incidences on my soon-to-be ex and his family and how the blatant alienation attempts. All very, very sad. And I call them on it every time … simple write an email or letter (no more voicemails or phone calls) stating exactly what they did and the child’s reaction and my concern that this is harmful to the well being of the child. If my husband ever tries for more ‘custody’ my documented history will come in handy.
All that being said, with the children, I’ve always taken the high road and not responded horribly about the the ex or his lover. In my state, children can choose at 12 years of age who they want to live with. I’m banking on that if irresponsible and hurtful parenting continues.
Good luck to you.
I’ve been documenting all along as well … and the ex’s response is consistently, “You have your thoughts on parenting, and I have mine. You just have to accept mine, as I have to accept yours.”
Not true, however, when it comes to undermining the parental relationship, which has been going on for quite a while now…
I wish you luck with everything, Indie Mom. Sounds like we both have tough roads ahead.
Damn, this was funny! You should put this in a book. Wonderful (wounderful?) writing.
Thank you kindly, Dave! I’m trying to build a book one blog post at a time, so with any luck, this one makes the cut!
My ex told me he wanted a divorce over the phone and I knew that I didn’t want to have “one of those divorces”….you know, the kind that gets you a #1 sh*t divorce legacy via Google. So I was nice. He took 6 months to file, was dating online the entire time, hid money from me, asked me what he should wear on his dates because I bought all of his clothing (I hung up on this call), and he left his dog at my house.
When it was finally all over I felt good about my behavior and the way I conducted myself. He however looked like an *sshat. Even more so when he used a photo of him and best friend standing outside the church at OUR wedding on the engagement for his new wedding. They’d been best friends since childhood and he couldn’t find any other photo of the two of them from the past 32 years?
Wow, MC…that’s some serious audacity. And I thought it was bad that my ex recycled his Best Man from our wedding to be his Best Man at his second wedding…seemed a bit odd. But at least he didn’t use photos from wedding #1 in wedding #2… at least that I know of… 😉
His best friend was the best man at both weddings as well. 🙂 I think you and I are both lucky that we escaped, even if it didn’t seem like it at one time.
I have to gush for a minute – your blog is awesome. You’ve given a voice to the thoughts I had too. Thank you.
Well THANK YOU for gushing! I love that we’re building a full-on community of support here … I’m seeing lots of visitors to my blog visiting the blogs of those commenting on my posts — it’s so fun to see us helping, sharing, and most importantly, healing!
Happy 2011. I hope I continue to give voice to the thoughts in your head…
No, no, no, no, no–children are off limits to successor mates! My daughter’s stepmother has tried to assert herself in various ways. Some are harmless, some are annoying, sometimes I had to call her on making inappropriate decisions in behalf of my daughter without consulting me, but the biggest transgression was fairly recent. The Evil Stepmother WHO HAS THREE DAUGHTERS OF HER OWN swept my only daughter up the day before she married for the pre-wedding spa day. I’ll never have another opportunity to share those special moments. And I resent it.
Your ex’s Marilyn sounds like a real winner…not. Insist on being involved in all major decisions. Maintain that any discussions concerning your children are with him, not her; it is up to him to share those discussions/decisions with her.
OMG, I think I’ll have to blog my experiences in fuller detail. I so admire the way you are able to put it all out there. So healing. May you find the peace and the love you deserve.
Wow — it sounds like the Evil Stepmother stereotype is alive and well in modern society, doesn’t it? So tragic — and so unnecessary. I’m sorry for the missed opportunities you’ve experienced. It’s enough to break the heart of any person, let alone a MOTHER.
I have done everything in my power to assert myself when it comes to major decisions, but unfortunately, when my kids are not in my home every other week (and rarely if ever allowed to call me), there’s not a whole lot I can do. Until now. This is a big part of the pending court case.
Thank you for reading, and I agree that the voice afforded by a blog does expedite healing. Can’t wait to stop by yours!
Mikalee, you’re a superstar mother and a talented individual at keeping things in perspective. Here’s one more thing to keep in mind (not that I need to say it, because you’re obviously smart enough to know it): kids are smart, and if they haven’t already, your children will have their father and their ridiculously insecure step-mother figured out by the time they’re 10. Thanks to you, and hopefully thanks to the occasional correct modeling their dad might show them, they will grow into two amazing adults who have a crazy wonderful chance at meaningful relationships. Keep laughing at the poor lady who is so envious of your having a daughter, and keep up the brilliant writing.
Thank you from the bottom of my blogging heart, T-lady! Your perspective is much appreciated.
However, while I have faith in my amazing kids, I also have to recognize the INCREDIBLE power of the tactics being used. The other home is absolutely employing a campaign, and given that my children are with them half the time, that’s hard stuff to “undo.”
But I just keep doing what I’m doing: Taking the high road, not succumbing to the games and believing that good will ultimately prevail. With any luck!
As jacked up as the Star Trek/green paint thing is, I’m far more frightened by the day 7 declaration of love. Look… by all means, what a woman painted green and a guy with a plastic science fiction toy do behind closed doors is their own business, but yeesh… don’t freakin’ LOVE anyone. Not seven days in. Hell, not even seventy.
Mikalee, your writing is amazing. I stumbled across your blog as I was researching how to start my own blog, as an outlet to channel my own conscious/subconscious stream of emotions towards my own brick(ginning).
Judging by your posts, so many times it may feel outrageously maddening as the ex-husband coward attacks towards you are by messing with his own defenseless children -which can sometimes feel debilitating even to such an intelligent and courageous woman like yourself. But Alas! you are turning it into something so powerful and influentially unstoppable that every bit of your wit, passion, humor, emotion, balls and poignancy make you a victor at your status quo. Google’s #1 Shit Divorce. Hell yes, I’ll take it!!! In the end, it’s all about gaining that power back.
Nobody should get say in daughter’s hairstyle except MOM. Dven if Dad and Mom are still married, Dad doesn’t even get a say. Daughter might be allowed to voice and opinion to be considered, but that is it. STEPMOMS need to “step back, bitch!”
I can certainly appreciate your perspective…but I’m even willing to collaborate on this, just not be ignored completely! And yes, I do agree that the daughter should have some input. That only makes sense as a matter of self-expression.
Thank you for the comment! 🙂
Daughter “might voice an opinion”? As long as she doesn’t want to have the worst haircut ever, I think that listening to what your daughter want is the most important thing. That and to talk parent to parent about what is best for your child (this does aply to more than just a haircut btw).
I’m a father and I sure have a say in my daughtes way of life which includes haircut as well.
Good points. I absolutely agree that the father deserves a say, as do both biological parents. And ultimately, the child must be considered … in an age-appropriate manner.
I think your children’s stepmother MUST be related to Gamera, my daughters’ stepmother. She was always doing bs stuff like that…she entered their lives when the girls were 8 and 6, and it’s only in the last 5 years that she has figured out that she is not their actual mother…!.
Whoa. Wait a sec: My kids were 6 and 8 when she entered their lives…
Perhaps they’re stepmommy soul sisters? Too bizarre.
That is a truly frightening thought. Gamera tried to make my girls become cheerleaders. That lasted.5 nanoseconds.
Haha! I love it: .5 nanoseconds, huh? Lucky them…
That’s so funny, and not in a “ha-ha” way but an “I get it now” way. When I was a kid and probably still living in Reno but definitely when I moved to SD, I would visit my dad and step-monster every summer and come home with a perm, steppy used to own a salon. My mom still talks about how pissed she was to see my straight, blonde, head coming home fried out and orange-y. I never really got it but I think I am starting to now, and yeah, not cool.
Oh, wow … do I feel sorry for your mom!!! It’s the worst feeling in the world — to be so out of control over something so personal pertaining to YOUR children. Ugh…
Is that why he once took my daughter to his mom for a hair cut? To bother me? Man, I just didn’t give a damn about what they said or did that it did not affect me. As long as my child was happy I was not too concern. What upset me was him sending her back in the house to ask me for money for lunch while on his weekend. I came out and told him off, I still gave her $20 dollars just in case the heartless bastard did not feed her for lack of it. Then I pick her up and she tells me she wanted to buy this doll and her daddy said she did not have enough money. I asked well just how much did it cost? She tells me $19.99. That really upset me. And now that she is 18 she lives with him and they get to re-write history or successfully live in another reality. Keep this blog going as they have already started to recount the story and portray you as the villain.
no kids. but that’s another story.
i had a faithful old car (18+) i had to leave behind. i left it with the ex, it wasn’t worth much, but with the intention it could be sold to help with costs for repairs to the home i was forced to leave, and which had to be sold.
1-1/2 years later, the house is still not sold, and the ex gives my old car to his slimy brother. the brother who, along with the rest of his family, treated me like shit for 25 years.
i know, it was only a car. but the idea that anything i owned and cared for in the corrupt hands of that family was nauseating.
i hope it broke down on the freeway.
Karma is a bitch. Let’s just hope she acts quickly on your behalf!
I know I’m about two years late on this but…
I love this blog. I guess I get it as my ex is a pastor’s son who has not one, not two but six children and rights to only one. His new wife “Molly” (named changed slightly) sounds so similar to Crazy New Wife. She used to send me these pamphlets in the mail about “children’s rights” and how “the souls of my children needed to be prayed for” all the while Dipsheet Dad would go 3 to 6 months without showing up at. all. And the letters, oh the letters I used to get. And she insisted on them calling her ‘mama’. There must be some kind of handbook handed out with the title “How to be a Dipsheet New Wife”. And just to tell you how dipsheet she is here is a mini little back story:
My ex hadn’t shown up for visitation in over two years. Two. Years. So I had heard through the grapevine that he had left her for a 24 year old married woman who was his boss’s daughter. (Your’e right, I couldn’t make this sheet up.) He had moved out ‘out of the blue’ and taken the money with him (she was a stay at home mom). I showed up to her apartment because he owed $68,000 in child support and I need to find a place to have him served. I had never been allowed to meet ‘Molly’ before and at the time they had been married 5 or so years. SHE however would accompany him when he would pick up the kids and sit in the car staring me down. So, I show up and tell her I’m looking for him because I felt it was time he either A). Gave up his rights or B) I’d have them taken from him and sue for every dime. ‘Molly’ goes into this sob story about how he’s done her wrong, how she knew for a year that he had been cheating on her, yada yada yada. When I go to leave I say “Molly” I can tell by looking at you that you want him back. But let me say something. If it was just me with the story of him abandoning his kids and not paying child support and all this other crap that you are going through, okay maybe I could see how you would just think I’m the bitter ex-wife. BUT for TWO women (I forgot to mention that ‘Molly is his third wife) to have the same exact story- if you take him back you deserve everything you get. She did take him back and he cheated on her AGAIN with the SAME women, WHILE still smoozing and trying to make things right with ‘Molly’ , and wound up being fired by cheater girlfriend’s father. And guess what? She took him back again… and then had a child with him to boot.
Thankfully, he did over joyfully sign away his rights and my-been- there- since- they- were wee- tikes husband adopted them in 2011.
I can’t wait to read the rest of your blogs! (I promise I won’t comment on all of them!)