You know that biblical "eye for an eye" passage? Well this is exactly the same. Except more techie. And less staff-and-flowing-robe-y...
If imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, consider me WAY flattered.
(Wait a sec. You know, there’s one more way I could have chosen to start this blog, so I’ll just throw this one out there, too.)
There’s a new #1.
Yip, you heard right, people. You truly can’t make this shit up, and it does seem like my life does have a way of giving me chronic blogger fodder (or CBF, in medical terms…it’s a delicate subject, after all). So you’re all familiar with my personal list of the 10 Most Bat-Crazy Things You Never Thought You’d Have to Deal with, Post-Divorce, right?
Well, #1 has been trumped. So have numbers 10 through 2, in my opinion.
(Hold please. One more idea…)
Move over bacon…now there’s something meatier!
(OK, so that one’s a stretch…)
Alright, enough with my commitment issues — even picking a lead paragraph presents opportunities for vacillation, which I whole-heartedly embrace.
Let’s just go with option #2.
THE BRAND NEW AND IMPROVED, #1 Bat-Shit Crazy Thing You Never Thought You’d Have to Deal with, Post-Divorce is:
The ex’s new wife starts a blog. In RESPONSE to your blog. In which her first paragraph mimics the first paragraph of your blog!
WHO DOES THIS? Oh yeah, the woman in charge of my children half the time…that’s who.
Seriously, people. I do not lie.
So here’s the back story: A mutual friend of crazy new wife (“crazy new wife” will henceforth be called “Marilyn,” for the purpose of this blog post) alerts me to the appearance of a brand new blog in the blogosphere. This inane blog, I learn, is penned by Marilyn.
Seems Marilyn has read my blog (big surprise, as I’ve gotten a few comments from her, which I’ve summarily ignored because they’re chock- full of crazy), and she has made the ill-advised decision to try to steal my thunder. Keep in mind my first blog post is dated August 27, while hers is dated August 31. That’s an important detail. So is the idea that “stealing one’s thunder” typically implies doing something better than someone else.
Wait: I’ll bet she thought she was making a preemptive strike — after the fact! She’s kinda sly that way…
Anyhow, if you haven’t yet read my first post, I start my blog off by referring to myself as “that girl,” which translates to “the girl the universe just can’t help but fuck with” (because, among other things, my marriage ended with a brick. A literal brick. Seriously, people, if you need to catch up, read here, and I’ll stop with the Cliff’s Notes version of my 2-month old blog.)
So how does Marilyn’s blog start?
The conclusion of her first mindless paragraph asserts this gem: “I’m that girl.”
Oh. My. God.
She tells her reader (I’m assuming I’m the only one who has consumed said drivel, mostly with my jaw hanging open while I literally squealed in delight over how mindless it all was) that she’s “the girl next door,” the cheerleader who “dated the hot football player,” etc.
Oh. She’s THAT girl. Good to know. Cuz here I thought she was that girl who stole my husband, lives in my old home and plays mommy half the time with my children. I thought she was that girl who already proved how much she wanted my life by trying to assimilate all that was mine into hers, complete with physically transforming my daughter’s hair to look like hers, calling my children her children, etc.
Nope. Turns out she’s that girl who is dead set on finding even more crazy ways to mimic me.
OK, so here’s the deal: You can have it all Marilyn…all except my beautiful children, that is, which is the only thing from my old life worth fighting for.
So while I’m off living my new life to its fullest and embracing my 2.0 version, you’re welcome to have my leftovers. Go right ahead. Enjoy.
And I will continue with my writing — because I’m an ACTUAL writer, not just playing one on TV — while you keep trying to copy me. And I truly am flattered, really.
A blog for a blog, huh? I wonder if Marilyn can fully understand the hypocrisy inherent to such clear biblical connections.
Because if I recall, there’s a certain Commandment or two about coveting. And stealing. And adultery. And bearing false witness. And…well, I could go on and on.
Nah. She’s definitely not that girl.
You really couldn’t make this shit up. I am still trying to figure out how someone like “Marilyn” can exist. What is she thinking?? As a “step-mom” and former child of divorce and blended families, she is doing a terrible job. Why does she feel so compelled to compete with you? I am completely facinated by her…kind of like when you see a car accident and can’t help staring at the wreckage. Although I know this blog is about you, I also know you are doing awesome (under the circumstances), raising two healthy kids, writing, and living life. I really read for the crazy “Marilyn” updates! Can you blame me?? 😉
LOL, Heidi…I certainly don’t blame you! But I hope you’ll keep reading when Marilyn decides to stop giving me fodder. Truly, that’s my goal.
So if you see a post about how I sorted my laundry, then washed it, then folded it all (except the stuff I needed to hang), you’ll know I’ve reached my goal. 😉 I still have faith that maybe, the crazy will die down — eventually.
And btw, I really think the competition stems from the fact that my ex left her to start dating me. Then he left me to go back to her. She’s resentful of the 13 years she perceives I “stole,” and now I think she’s reacting to the fact that her relationship is based on betrayal and mistrust. Can you even imagine? I mean, now he’s established a pattern…
I’m with Heidi…I can’t stop reading and am fascinated in a horrified sort of way. Also, you are so honest and inspiring. Brave, with a healthy dose of really pissed off.
ps – can’t you share Marilyn’s blog? Dying to read the drivel.
Erin…thank you so much for reading and commenting! And thanks for the kind words. Sometimes, I feel so brave — others, I feel like this whole situation could defeat me at any given moment. But then I just think about my children, and the motivation to persevere returns.
I hope you keep joining me on this journey. I need all the sane companions I can get! 🙂
Mikalee, very sorry to hear of your suddenly single situation, but at the same time I want to congratulate you on your new 2.0 status and some great blog material. Really enjoy your writing. (Can’t imagine what possessed “Marilyn” to mimic your blog!) Hang in there and keep your eye on the goal: your kids. Wishing you all the best.
Mitch, you are absolutely spot on: My kids being happy, healthy, well adjusted and feeling all the love in the world is my ultimate goal. They are ALL that’s important in the long run.
Thanks so much for stopping by! 🙂
Bitch! (Not you! I hate home wreckers.) The way I see it, since she already has your man (er, ex-man), she should just shut up and let you be. That would be the classy thing to do. After all, she has nothing to prove anymore, right? She already got the trophy.
But then again, I guess home wreckers are never classy.
Thanks so much for visiting my blog … and for the comment! And yes, she got the “trophy” … and what a trophy he is. I’m grateful for my new life, just wishing the game playing would stop so I could fully enjoy my 2.0 version!
🙂
She got the trophy, indeed, but she learned very quickly that he wasn’t the one who made the package attractive — you did. She wants to be YOU. Why else would she want your life, your house, your children, your husband, even your old business name? And now, she has a blog of her own, because you blog??? Pathetic.
Can’t wait to hear all about how you sort your laundry, Mikalee…it is, after all, my favorite chore!! Bring it on!!!
One word, Heidi: naked.
‘Nuff said.
😉
Sounds like a “skimpy” blog post then. Sorry…bad pun!!
Oh, Heidi…you had to do it, didn’t you! 😉
Unfortunately, I can totally relate to dealing with the “new wife” syndrome (okay, I’ve been dealing with it for years now so I guess I’m a pro). Oh what non-fiction it is but how fiction it sounds! BLOG, BLOG, BLOG, and who gives a hoot what that woman writes!!!!!!
Absolutely! If anything, I just think it’s funny. And I’m grateful for the blog fodder!
So, any tips on dealing with “new wife” syndrome, since you say you’re a pro? I could use the advice. Actually, I think many of my readers can! 🙂
So much crazy stuff happens when you have a blog, and people know about it. Ignore her. 9 out of 10 blogs fail and the writers just stop writing, she’ll likely be one of them. If she’s so happy, she has what she wants, why is she wasting her time mimicking you? Tell her to grow up.
So true, Catherine — and she already has stopped, so apparently she just needed to get something out of her system. So be it. Certainly doesn’t impact me, as I’m legitimately a writer and love that I’m creating a community with this blog — and I thank you for being part of it! 🙂
What a fucking psycho! The end.
LOL! 🙂
Excellent writing on an inexcellent predicament. Or should that be unexcellent?
I’ve come across a wise and ancient phrase to sum up such situations:
“lol internets”
Love it! Thanks for the new, wonderful phrase. Which, by the way, is neither inexcellent nor unexcellent! 😉
And thank you for stopping by and commenting…
I knew this crazy woman once, found herself a new friend who was truly unique and had it all together. So she started imitating her new friend’s speech patterns and buying clothes exactly like hers and all this. It didn’t fool me. I could tell who was the original and who was the wannabe.
So you’re the original, eh? <{:-)
Haha…yip, I’m definitely the original! I just love how she started her blog after mine, and clearly as a response due to its stupid attempt at mockery. Yet she’s the one making a mockery of herself!
I say, keep it up. I feel special having a wannabe… 😉
Thanks so much for the comments!
I’m beginning to understand why I like so much being an aging, single curmudgeon.
Other people!
Good blog, kiddo.
Many thanks for stopping by my humble blog and commenting…
Sadly, I’ve run into many people who are petty, little and angry. It’s enough to make me consider being an aging, single curmudgeon!
Hope to see you around here again –
MB
Humble? Pffft.
Always room for another curmudgeon. Once you pass the course you get a nice certificate to tear up.
Awesome. I’ll put the pieces of the torn-up certificate next to my Google medal! 😉
Google gives medals?! Why didn’t anyone tell me? Jeez!
Thought I’d heard it all. Apparently not.
Well, until now.
Glad I could open your eyes, Mark. The truth is stranger than fiction — seriously… 😉
I hate home-wreckers! It’s like they don’t have anything better to do than reason their desire to be with “that boy”. The thing is, “that boy” is already taken. And the asshole gets taken away.
Well, in all honesty they did me a favor … I’m far happier now than I was then! 😉
Thank you for reading and commenting!
Wow, she sounds like a total witch! Sounds like they deserve each other, actually, and you are better off without him!
Love your eyes!
I’m glad you like — this picture always creeps me the eff out! 😉
Wow…you and I really need to get together and swap crazy tales. My boyfriend’s ex-wife has done the exact same thing, started some lame blog of her own, with each post mimicking something I wrote on my blog. I had the same reaction: you are no match for me, so stop trying to imitate something that is far, far out of your reach, little girl.
Dude. I know you’re in a WAY better place now and I am playing catch-up with your blog but all I can say is Holy Crap. Seriously. Holy F!@$! Crap.
I continue to be fascinated by the banal, boring, mean girl personality that comes across in her blogs. Especially the so-called travel ones. The best I can tell she gets to a new place and quickly decides on a few known places to sight see and then writes at an 8Th grade level.
I really wonder what the conversation between them (your ex and her) are like. Anyway, someone should probably do her the favor of pointing out that humans lie down. They don’t lay down. If I wasn’t reading her drek because I am fascinated by her venom her blogs would bore me to tears……..and how does he stand it? Anyway, I am not a professional writer but even I can recognize when someone needs to take a writing class.