Beware: My baby blog craves brains. Yours may be next...
It has been a remarkable few weeks for this blog … and similarly, for me, this adorable little bouncing blog’s proud mommy. (Watch out: It drools. See above.)
And while the beginning of the year saw me storing the tree, packing away the lights and stashing the New Year’s Eve pecker tiara (for now — though I hope to break it out for a special occasion sometime soon … Barnes & Noble, here I come), it also saw a few crazy incidents that exposed my cute little baby blog to a much larger, extended family.
So I think it’s only appropriate to interrupt our regularly scheduled blog content to provide a proper introduction.
Baby Blog: These are your readers. Readers: This is my blog.
And at the expense of being considered the kind of obnoxious mommy who sends a holiday letter recapping every hiccup and poop from said baby to every friend, relative, co-worker and barista she encounters daily, I think it’s also important to recap some highlights.
You see, ironically, much of the success of the past few weeks can be attributed to two people for whom I hold a butt-load of contempt: Carol Anne Riddell and John Partilla, or Care and JP, as I now call them due to our most intimate of hate-filled relationships built on condescension and utter, vile disdain.
In one day, thanks to a few remarks I offhandedly (and pissed-off-edly…yes, I made that word up) made on the HuffPost Divorce site and a Yahoo news story, I had more than 4,000 people visit my sappy little love letter (read: vitriolic, barbed, judgmental post) to Care and JP.
In one day. And that’s without experiencing the holy grail of WordPress promotion, Freshly Pressed status. Alas, I use expressions like “Fuck,” “Shit” and “Jesus H Christ in a chicken basket” too much to even be considered for that lofty distinction.
To add just a little context: At the time, that one-day viewership stat was almost half of my all-time total views since the blog baby exploded forth from my writing nether-regions at the end of August.
Pretty image, dontcha think?
Fast forward a few days, when I awoke to 600+ views as of 5:30 a.m., because overnight a TIME Magazine online article had linked to my site. The article suggested that blogs like mine should inspire people to get or stay married in the coming year. An interesting premise — if by “interesting” I mean ridiculous, preposterous, ludicrous, outrageous and any-other-word-ending-in-ous…well, except “consanguineous” … or “brachypterous” … or “pseudoparenchymatous” … or — oh, never mind.
Anyhow, of course a link compliments of the likes of TIME sent more than a few readers my way. And then, the TIME story was picked up on the Yahoo! News home page, meaning even more curious family members were suddenly crowding around the baby blog.
So with the influx of readers came a virtual tidal wave of comments and subscribers. In the past three weeks, my subscriber list has tripled, and I have had way more hits than Hanson (come on … you remember MMMBop, right?).
Which has all left me feeling … like abandoning my baby on a doorstep (any takers?).
Nah. I love my baby. And as a super-proud mommy, I’m ready to watch it experience life’s ups and downs, cut some teeth, throw a few tantrums and lock itself in its room, disavow all knowledge of me — you know, the typical list of pre- and post-pubescent behaviors.
I’m also excited for the opportunity to get to know this extended family, as I’ve already shared so much with my amazing, engaged, nuclear family through this blog — I think I speak on behalf of all readers when I say your comments have inspired us, pissed us off, supported us, made us cry, given us food for thought and personally made me aware that there are some slightly off-balance creepy whackos out there (yes, I do have exceedingly soft, supple feet and legs, thank you so much for inquiring kind-reader-whose-comment-I-didn’t-publish).
Now in order to provide an overview to those who are new to my silly little blog — to provide a road map of sorts marking must-see destinations, places where you can slow down without even stopping, etc., I’d like to offer some highlights and orientation.
First, if you came from TIME Magazine or Yahoo News: Welcome!
If you didn’t … where the hell did you come from, anyhow?
This is Me 2.0, a blog devoted to people embracing their next best selves, post trauma. Most of us have been hit over the head with a brick (literally or figuratively) by a traumatic divorce or separation, but not all — there are some who simply live vicariously through our fuckin’ awesome experiences. Who only wish they could be like us. And you know who you are. (Yip, you. No, not you. And yeah, definitely you.)
So for context and to be consistent with our established foot-fetish theme, it’s probably easiest to read this blog from the bottom up.
If you click “Home” above then scroll all the way down to the bottom of the page, you’ll encounter a cheery little post called “How my Marriage Ended with a Brick” — which was, of course, my first post. It describes the world’s most awesome of betrayal symbols: a literal, physical brick, which, upon figuratively striking me square between the eyes, gave me the keen awareness that my marriage was over.
But if you don’t have time to read the entire 18 posts (slacker…), here are my most popular blog posts to date, based exclusively on number of com
ments:
1. Oh I’m Sorry … Am I Blogging Too Loudly?
3. Audacity, thy name is…Carol Anne Riddell and John Partilla
6. On Broken Penises…and Broken Promises: A Treatise
7. An Open “Dear John” Letter (on behalf of jilted ex-spouses everywhere…)
8. Most Likely to Succeed … at Divorce?!?!
9. You Just Can’t Make This Shit Up, Part Dos
Honorable Mention: Is she hot? (Ironically, this is one of my most viewed posts, but least commented upon. And I attribute this to something I’ve heard from many readers: the inherently unfulfilling aspect of the post that there are no pix provided for the side-by-side comparison. But, dear readers, you’re just going to have to trust me … the resemblance is uncanny.)
Alternate: Who is this Mikalee Byerman chick, anyhow? (While I don’t really consider this a blog post, I have to say that more people have clicked on my “About” page than any other individual post. It does give some insight into my special brand of crazy, inspiring quite a few comments.)
OK, there’s the overview — now for some fun facts. WordPress totally rocks, because it provides a list of the most popular search engine terms used to find your blog. This is my favorite thing to read every day — seriously, it’s better than reading the obits and trying to guess cause of death based on context clues.
And now, my Top 10 Google search faves from the past few months:
- shit divorce (You’ve taken my advice in droves, with 266 of you typing it into Google to see if I am, indeed, above Tiger’s ex-wife. In most cases, I am…though on some days, she is very satisfyingly on top of me. What can I say: I like it both ways.)
- dominatrix riding crop (Hmmm…I am a Scrabble Whore, after all.)
- example of birthday card for jesus christ (Don’t ask me. Also, on what other blog in the whole wide world would you ever find this search between the likes of #2 and #4. Just sayin’.)
- my cock belongs to you (Again: no idea.)
- best way to handle an awkward meeting with ex-husband (Yeah, um, if you’ve read this blog, you definitely know I’m not the best source for this kind of information.)
- “marilyn byerman” and all variations – including “marilyn blog that girl Byerman” and “who is marilyn referred by Mikalee” (Seriously, people, you must stop: Marilyn is not her name, it is only her pseudonym because of her crazy resemblance to a certain androgynous punk rocker!)
- too too tall (Thanks for exacerbating my already debilitating insecurities, Google search people…nice…)
- brick clichés (There are a ton of them, and interestingly, almost every single one has some crazy connection to being blindsided.)
- highschool yearbook pokie nipples (While I discuss Tic-Tac nipples in the post featuring my high school “Most Likely to Succeed” pic, I think people searching for this may be dissatisfied to learn pokie nipples are not part of the featured picture.)
- evil green girl (No doubt a search undertaken by my very own “Go Green Guy,” the dude who wanted to paint me green like the alien in Star Trek — and then have his way with me.)
Well, there you have it: Orientation, Top 10 fun, a brain-eating baby and the words “my cock belongs to you,” all in one happy little post. For those who are loyal readers, thank you for allowing this minor departure from the typical bat-shit crazy stories you’ve come to expect; for those new to the program, please tune in again. I promise fun, healing, crazy stories and the best little four-month-old blogging community known to man.
Also, don’t forget you can subscribe to my blog through e-mail so you never-ever-ever-EVER miss a post. Scroll all the way down to the bottom of the page and enter your e-mail address to sign your sexy ass up. Or click here for quick, painless and fool-proof directions chock-full of sexual innuendo.
And finally: For readers new and old, do me a favor? Perhaps you can leave a comment below and let me know what brought you here — and what keeps you coming back? It’ll help me plan for the future, as I’m thinking of retooling the blog to be a bit more subtle, sophisticated, delicate and refined — just like my sweet, charming and gentle inner nature.
Right. Fuck that! 😉
That was an awesome introduction for any new reader!
I on the other hand, have been a subcriber for a little while now, and have looked forward to all your cockamanny hogwash (Written so well) on how utterly pathetic your ex-husband and his new Barbie really are! How sweet!!!
So you just keep going, you are an inspiration to many!
xx
Why, thank you! There is a special place in my heart for my long-time subscribers…you’ve invested in me from the very beginning, when I was merely taking the tiniest of uncertain baby steps!
More inspirational stories to come, promise … 🙂
Wow! You hit the mother load. I write for Huff Post Divorce and don’t get that many hits on my blog from it! Now, I have to go and see which article you commented on and what you said. Congratulations, may your baby blog grow big and strong and never talk back to you! As for me, just a teeny bit on the jealous side!!
Thank you so much, Lee. And I can only imagine HuffPo Divorce gives you your own special brand of notoriety … of which I’m more than a teeny bit green with envy! 😉
Ciao Pretty Lady,
well … I keep comming back, cause your the first blog I came upon when I signed up for wordpress. I like your style, wit and humour. It’s also nice to know that someone else out there is filled with a whole lot of crazy batshit things, kinda puts some things into perspective for me. I’m sorry life has given you a bunch of bricks but I’m really enjoying the house you are building out of them.
Keep on keeping on.
There is a special kind of comfort knowing there are other batshit crazy soul sisters (and brothers) out there, isn’t there?
Thanks for consistently checking in, laaventura. I always appreciate your comments!
lesee. I’m not entirely 100% sure of how I found your blog. My (sob) story is that for I dunno, maybe 6 months I’ve been a man happily married 21 years who’s increasingly disturbed by how close the spectre of divorce has come to me. It started, Gee, when I was 5 and my best friend’s parents were divorced. 8 years after, and MY parents were getting divorced. From then until 5 years ago, divorce was something that happened in hollywood or to acquaintances. Now, all of a sudden, it seems divorce is popping up everywhere, like goldenrod in a New England meadow.
So, I’ve been collecting divorce-blogs in my RSS feed. And occasionally, when feeling particularly morose, I follow links — see what blogs these gay divorcees follow. I musta found your piece of work a month ago by doing just that.
Agreed, Michael — it’s amazing how divorce hits so close to home for so many, isn’t it?
Personally, my parents have been married for almost 50 years, and I’m the consummate committed soul — I was made to be married to one man forever. Unfortunately, my ex wasn’t wired the same.
I had to laugh when you noted that when you’re feeling “morose” you look at the links…awesome! Hope I can provide some levity to the morose inner nature of the blog. Yes, it’s based on batshit crazy stuff — but if I weren’t laughing, I’d be crying.
I choose happiness, every time…
I am happy to say I found your blog long before TIME.
So for once in my life I can’t be accused of jumping on the band wagon. I was already part of the band, which is somewhat ironic since I don’t play an instrument.
As for how I came to be here? Back in October when I started to get serious about blogging myself (which can be very enjoyable if done properly) I began investigating the different, new features WordPress offered and in the comment sections of every new feature i would check out, I would notice a comment from you near the top.
I thought to myself, this person seems to be quite knowlegable concerning blogs I think I will check her out. (Blogwise, I mean.)
I have been coming back ever since.
Well, thanks for checking me out (blogwise, I mean), Blockader! I’m flattered.
And I’ll bet you play an instrument of some kind: a triangle always seemed like a no-brainer. Or perhaps an armpit? Can you whistle?
I for one enjoy the depth you provide to our haphazard, slightly offbeat band.
You are awesome. Too bad you the brick didn’t accidentally hit your ex upside the head(metaphorically, of course)
Oh yes, I’ve wished for a similar (figurative) fate every once in a while…
Thanks for the feedback! 🙂
You know how I found you (I think you found me :), and all the little bits since then. I KNOW you were referring to me when you said “And yeah, definitely you.” I have my own batch of craziness surrounding me (we can settle that one over a glass of wine sometime), but the craziness has little to do with marriage, bricks, and the like. Ok…maybe a little having to do with marriage, but only tangentially and there may have been a few moments whereas if a brick were available, a few folks might have been bashed over the head with it.
Your baby blog is like a niece or nephew to me…I don’t have to deal with the long nights of teething, lawsuits and such, but get to watch the little darling grow up, nonetheless. <3<3
I did find you, didn’t I? And then I heavy-handidly forced you into my seedy, sordid underworld of online dating and divorce drama.
Yeah. Sorry ’bout that.
So it does sound like a glass of wine and storytelling is in order. Perhaps I’m not the only one with seedy, sordid stories? Hmmm…
Thanks for being a great aunt to my bouncing baby blog, Heidi! 😉
Seedy and sordid?? Consider Russian Mafia and threats of finger amputations. You didn’t force me into the seedy and sordid…I found it all on my own!!
When you are ready for someone elses “Can’t make this shit up” stories, contact me on another channel for a wine date. 😉
I found your blog from another blog that made the “Freshly Pressed”. I don’t really remember the other blog post. I guess it was okay. (Maybe the one about how to use eHow to be funny?) Anyway, you had posted a comment on there with a link to your blog, and you shamelessly promoted yourself by making a reference to the penis tiara post. I had to know. And now I’m hooked. Crack, thy name is Mikalee.
OK, I need to know: May I use your quote on future marketing materials? “Crack, thy name is Mikalee” has to be the best thing anyone’s ever written about me! Seriously!
And yes, I am a shameless self-promoter. But come on: I have a penis tiara!!! Who with a penis tiara wouldn’t shout that from the highest hills?
Thanks so much for stopping by — and for coming back! 🙂
How did I find you? Turned left at Greenland (Beatles fans? Anyone?) Not sure exactly how, but found you a few weeks ago and have been digging it ever since…yes, even before Time made you a household name. In case you didn’t catch it, my blog earlier this week featured my top 5 “fuck you” break-up songs…I’m sure you’ll love it. Music is such a healer 🙂
Groovyrick
Oooh. I’m heading over to your blog now. The top 5 “fuck you” break-up songs sounds RIGHT up my alley!
Thanks for being a part of my blogging family, groovyrick…I’m truly and totally honored!
I’m honored that you’re honored…in an honorable sort of way.
I sent this song over to GroovyRick also ( I have to capitalize it or it looks like groovychick and then you see the picture and it gets confusing).
Play it loud 2 or 3 times, . . . and I guarantee you’ll play it 100 times more. My I just SO identify with it . . .
It is quite well done, “gets in your head”, and truly — all the swearing is really very satisfying!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pc0mxOXbWIU
If the link doesn’t work, it’s called F**K You by Cee Lo Green.
P.S. – Download from iTunes . . . it’s better without the video.
Love love LOVE this song!
My fave used to be “Gives you Hell” by All American Rejects. This may have trumped it! 😉
The song really IS better without the video. It was “given” to me as a theme song by a friend who is just as baffled as me (and seemingly everone else) about The Story. It’s a story that should be told; a cautionary tale, actually. 🙂 Just as soon as I find the words . . .
As she (the friend) put it, “. . . there’s a clean radio version also, but there’s something very satisfying about all the swearing.”
Happy New Year Mikalee!
I’m happy I followed the proverbial “yellow brick road” to this awesome treasure you refer to as your “baby.” I was so happy that I referred my Mom, who is in the process of going through her own “shit” separation and soon to be divorce.
Anywho, thanks for sharing and giving us all a platform to share equally. This is definitely helping me vent in ways I did not think I would be able to. I also must admit that I am guilty of only a couple of the google searches (hey what can a lady say, I am nosey by nature 😀 ).
**Sidenote: She really does resemble Marilyn Manson**
Anywho, I just started praying again and wanted to share my prayer with you:
Dear God,
Please let me progress a little more than I did yesterday. Help me forgive a little more and let go of anger, hurt, and resentment more than I did yesterday. Help build me into the person you want me to be. I want you to look at me and say “That is my child and I am proud of her.” Lord this journey will not be easy but, please guide me in my decisions so that I do not miss what can be great for me. Thank you for this day! Amen.
Happy New Year to you too, MissKay, and what a beautiful prayer!
Providing readers with a platform to share is one of my many goals here, and I’m so glad you see value in it. And personally, it helps me feel supported to be surrounded by people who share the same crazy, sad, lonely, happy, stunned, etc. emotions that I do. I hope you feel the support is reciprocal in nature.
Take care, and keep on being nosey, silly lady. 🙂
{Scroll all the way down to the bottom of the page and enter your e-mail address to sign your sexy ass up}… I figured you must have been talking to me ;)…lol . Keep up the great writing!
That was absolutely dedicated to you…how did you know?
😉
Thank you as always for the support, Crystal!
I read JP in this post! I am JP! 😀
I love the design and layout of your blog. Is that a nerdy thing to say? Idk. Maybe me being new makes me easily impressed – not that it’s not impressive. What am I saying.
A dominatrix riding crop is a fundamental component of a good post, I’d say. I think I’ll subscribe here! If you have the time, stop by my blog as well! I want friends!
http://johnpablostudios.wordpress.com/
Can’t wait to stop by your blog, JP…and you’re undoubtedly far cooler (and less audacious) than the other JP!
Thanks for the compliment (back-handed though it may have been) on my blog. And I’m kidding, of course…
Totally agreed that a dominatrix riding crop makes for a good blog. Throw in green aliens, Marilyn Manson and a Scrabble Whore, and it should be a guaranteed home run…right?
Take care!
Of course, by putting all those phrases into the main body of the post, you’re increasing the Google rank of returned results from searching those phrases. You do realize this, right?
Absolutely. I have no problem with being the blog leader of “dominatrix riding crops” and “my cock belongs to you.” Why not, right?
😉
Just stopping by say say hello. Been busy keeping up with the currents events and such. Fantastic blog as always.
I’m so glad you stopped by … and thanks for the incredible feedback!
Happy New Year to you (or is it too late to extend that greeting?).
🙂
Hi, while a winery blog and your fabulous 2.0 version of yourself may not seem to go together I find your blog fascinating to read. Although, we do make an awesome Pinot Noir or two, wine the colour of blood is appropriate, no?
Mountford is new to the blogging world and in trying to glean ideas on how to write, reading all the freshly pressed and the comments has become a daily must do for me. Your name kept popping up, I took myself over to your blog and well I’ve been reading since!
Well, Mountford…welcome! I’m glad you stopped by!
And I DEFINITELY see a connection between a winery and my v 2.0. After all, wine is part of the fuel that has powered me thus far. I have found a new appreciation for a glass of wine every now and then — particularly the blood-colored varieties. 🙂
I hope to see you around here again, and I look forward to reading your blog!
A Penis Tiara, and now a Brain Eating Zombie Baby. Who could ask for anything more?
You should really Patent the Tiara. I think it would be a huge seller.
Keep on Blogging, and thanks for the laughs.
Thanks so much, Herb. Unfortunately, I’m too late on the penis tiara, as I purchased it at a gift shop. Damn the luck. 😉
I’m glad you stopped by!
I keep coming back because you tell it like it is. Love you for that.
…and I promise to continue to do so as long as I’m able. Thank you for appreciating that! 🙂
Mikalee I enjoy your blog because of my personal encounter with your subject. It has been years since my divorce. My son was 2 yrs, my daughter was 7yrs when their mother found greener pastures. Her joyous grazing interrupted her parenting schedule for awhile. I became a single father.This story began Thanksgiving week of 1986.
Today the kids have kids and I am a grandfather. Divorce with children involved is difficult. It just ain’t normal relations when children are shuffled off for a weekend with the non-custodial parent’s court allowed visitation. It is confusing to the child. It sets up various points of contention between two sets of parents with often two sets of values.
My second wife and I often referred to my X as Disney Mom. In retrospect it seems there was an over compensation of permissiveness for time lost with the child. Anything goes, no discipline for the weekend and then back to the hell hole. By the time “wicked step mother” and I reset the routine it was off again to Disney Mom’s house. It was difficult.
It seems the seven year old daughter came through this turmoil with the most injury. She has two children today. Boys, one 13 & one 3, by different fathers. She has problems with relationships and drifts between heterosexual and homosexual commitments.
What am I saying? It’s the kids. Obviously Brick Boy and Ms Manson don’t have a clue at growing an adult. That’s what we’re doing here Mikalee. We are not raising kids. We are growing adults.
Good luck. Love your blog. I commented about a month ago on your Freshpressed blog. That’s how I found you! Congratulations on your new baby. I am watching it grow!
j
Boy, do you “get it.” It’s so sad to watch the kids — any kids — go through this turmoil. The nature of two homes with two different sets of rules and standards is practically impossible for young ones to navigate. My heart breaks for my kids, who every other week are in my home, then the other home. It takes me three days for the kids to get back into the rhythm of “my home,” then they start acting out for three days in advance of going back to “their home.” The poor children don’t even know how to act or what to do with their sadness and their reaction to/anticipation of the chaos.
Thank you for sharing — and thank you for reading. I hope you keep commenting, as I think we can all learn a lot from your experience.
I found you upon leaving a commercial/newspaper blog after a 10+ year gig and starting a new indie blog, which, improbably, earned a Fresh Pressed nod in its first month or so of existence, and upon which you commented . . . . but of the hundreds of bloggers who did so, this was the only blog I found that I felt merited reciprocal support from our little enterprise. Your baby blog is an impressive beast. I’m thinking “Demon Seed” with Julie Christie and a crazy, under-sexed, out-of-control computer . . .
Well I’m honored to have been awarded with your reciprocal support … thank you from the bottom of my blogging heart!
“Demon Seed” … awesome! Hadn’t thought about that in years.
😉
You’re the second blogger I read who has been mentioned in the mainstream media. Feels like I’m hobnobbing with famous people all of a sudden. 🙂
You commented on a guest post I did on Catherine’s blog and the rest is history. I like your blog because, honestly, your writing – and your sense of humor – reminds me of my own. I know that probably sounds weird, but it’s true.
Perhaps we’re brothers from another mother. Only I’m a sister. And the mother is “writing.”
Damn — that parallel just isn’t working, is it?
Well I’m glad you found me, or I’m glad I found you — loved your post on Catherine’s blog, and I’ve loved following you ever since.
I love your mouth ! … Your blog BLOWS !
The Care, JP… NY VOWS story brought me here. That story is like watching a future train wreck ! I give them 2 years… then BOOM ! Karma is a bitch.
Your skillful use of the English language flutters my heart and mind.
You help me find just the right words to express the disdain I have for the (looks like Manson too, tall, Angelina Assassin want-to-be), Sperm Stalking, Bunny Boiler who’s incredulous, psychopathic actions have managed to get the State of CA (because I have no other available redress) to literally… “force me” into a separation from my husband, in order to protect my marital property rights. .. all this, because of her right to procreate by any means available, including blackmailing my husband into donating his sperm to her to purposely create hell on earth. I’ve been living this fatal attraction sequel nightmare for the last 10 years. I digress..
Your mouthpiece is a great release for healing and releasing of the inner darkness, so others can embrace their better-self. Knowing they are not alone, their thinking and their life was not a lie. They can move forward with grace and dignity…. Thrive instead of just surviving.
Remember your STAR WARS… As Yoda says;
“Let go of your anger LUKE.
Fear is the path to the dark side…. Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate,… hate leads to suffering. Anger, fear, aggression… the dark side are they. Once you start down the dark path, forever will it dominate your destiny.
Well to get over it… you have to go through it. You have to release the anger !
And remember… Never let someone make you an option when you make them a priority !
Catch up on all the love crack and delusion …. ( I had to write this shit down too ! )
spermdonorswife.wordpress.com
So I was feeling great about your entire comment, but then “Your blog blows!”??? Isn’t that inherently a bad thing? 😉
It does seem we share some similarities in the batshit crazy realm, and I’m so glad the Care and JP story laid the path to us finding one another.
I wish you continued healing and “release” as well. I’m not too concerned about the dark side personally — black capes are not my thing. 😉
I meant that you blow people away ! In a fabulous way. Wit and sarcasm ! . Good Vibes ! No negativity intended.
Haha! Thank you for the clarification. 🙂
I do believe I found you through your Freshly Pressed fame here on wordpress =)
Haha…I do tend to get around the Freshly Pressed block, don’t I?
Well I’m so glad you’re here, Liz!
I actually found your blog a few weeks back via “Freshly Pressed” I have been going through through a similar, you can’t make this shit up divorce, for the past year. Tonight was a WTF kind of night as you can read on my blog if you so desire. Seems our Ex’s are true gentlemen of class and breeding. eh-em in my case let’s double the breeding part;-)
Glad I found you. Ecstatic that I am not the only delicate fucking flower out there in divorce hell.
Well, from one delicate fucking flower in (post) divorce hell to another: I fucking love your comment! 😉
Thanks for being here, and I can’t wait to read your blog…
How did I find you? Followed a comment you made on another FP post.
Why am I still here? I’m a masochist. (No, not really.)
You write an interesting blog. It’s mostly enjoyable to read — I cringe sometimes over the language.
Now, it may seem odd, but I hope you let your children read your posts. They need to know that you really care for them and love them. And that may not come through in everyday living, but it comes through here.
I do run the risk of turning off some readers with my language, I know…and for that, I’m sorry if I’ve offended anyone! But it is one of my only vices — well, that and Diet Coke. I suppose there are worse.
Thank you, however, for coming back. And thank you for the insights — and yes, I was surprised to see the suggestion to show these posts to my kids, especially given your thoughts on my “colorful” language. While I can see your point, I have an amazingly close, loving, supportive relationship with my kids, so I know they know about my love for them. That said, they certainly don’t know the extent of that love based on events in the last few months, and I’m only waiting for a time when I feel they’re both old and mature enough to see the big picture.
My goal is not to alienate them from their father, as I fear that would inherently hurt them. Their obliviousness to the current situation allows them to live a happy, care-free life in the “other” home, at least for the time being.
As the situation progresses, I’m having age-appropriate convos with them to help them understand the bigger picture. And yes, one day, they will read this blog from start to finish. One day. Just not sure when…
Thank you again for commenting! 🙂
Hey, Mikalee! I happened upon your blog when you left a comment for me when I was Freshly Pressed in October (“Talk to Me, Anderson Cooper” on JerseyMomsBlog). So delighted for the recognition you’re getting! You are fiercely funny and terrifically inspiring as a blogger, a mom, and a survivor (and as a word-maker-upper, too!). Keep on keepin’ on, sister.
Mmm. Anderson Cooper. So yummy.
😉
Thank you so much for the support and for being part of my blogging family. It means a lot to this silly little blogger!
I keep coming back when I see your comments on other Freshly pressed folks (of whom I am not one…yet!). Your situation makes me angry enough to spit nails, but you seem to be handling it with the perfect combination of hauteur, grace, decorum and potty-mouth…. I like reading what you write, which is the best reason to keep coming back. Don’t give up the moral high ground, and don’t let the lawyers stop you blogging!
Excellent! It does seem that perseverance is a key to being Freshly Pressed. Well, that, and not having potty mouth. 🙁
But alas, since I cannot be Freshly Pressed, there’s nothing stopping me from being among the first to comment on Freshly Pressed posts. Sadly, it’s the closest I’ll ever come to that distinction.
Thank you for coming by and for coming back! I’ll do my best to keep fighting the good fight. Unless exhaustion overwhelms me. Then I’ll have to send my minions. Would you like to be a minion?
😉
I wouldn’t mind being a minion. Then when I get drunk, I can be a pickled minion….(That may be an English joke – I don’t know if you North American types have pickled onion or not. Damn. See, lack of research.) Anyway, yes, if need a guest post on Community theatre, writing plays, juggling, or raising three weasels in a foreign land, I’m your minion. I also do comedy poetry, but not on purpose.
Um. Yeah. Nope: Not so much understanding the “pickled minion” reference. But as an avid researcher, just did a Google search. Yet even Google isn’t proving helpful. Do tell?
😉
Ah, but can you do comedy poetry about juggling three weasels in a foreign land? Now that would be funny…
See here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pickled_onion
It was a feeble wordplay thing. Still working on the poem.
I WILL read all 18 blog entries, damn it! You are one funny and talented woman.
Congratulations to you, congrats congrats. I wish you all the best.
Well then, dammit, you are NOT a slacker!
😉
Thanks so much for the feedback, T-lady … much appreciated!
Dammit Mikalee, I’ve become one of your groupies, checking this repeatedly to see you you have posted any new responses or blogs.
If it makes you feel any better, my wife once wrote a blog about taking our daughter out for ice cream with her grandparents on a hot day. The google search phrase that she found was linking to it?
“Grandpa and grandma naked ice cream” If thats not creepy I don’t know what is.
Ewww. Totally creepy! But also kinda crazy funny.
Just today, someone found my blog by searching “fix a broken penis.” Alas, I pity the poor broken-penised lad who had to enter those demoralizing words…only to end up at my penis tiara tale. Not helpful, I’m thinking…
Congratulations on the baby blog success (spoken er. . . written like a truly proud mother). As I visit/re-visit your sight, for some reason just today, it dawned on me — I need to add some pictures to my posts! Keep up the good work. It’s really pretty inspirational — and very funny!
So glad you’re enjoying the ride, Richard. And I’m glad my crazy little blog could provide some inspiration! 🙂
don’t intend to intrude but I just recently started using WordPress and I happened to stumble upon your blog. I must say that I am hooked and will be spending some time getting to know more about your blog by reading from the beginning! Lol!
Love your sense of humor!! (:
-Mari
Well thank you, Mari! I hope you enjoy what you read, and we look forward to seeing your comments … if you’re so inclined.
Good luck with your own blog — it’s a blast! 🙂
I found you through Freshly Pressed and I started reading and did not stop til the end.
You make me laugh.Out loud.Sometimes in inappropriate places.We read your posts at my shop – to the clients.
You never know how many people are actually traveling through the tunnel with you until someone speaks up – and your voice is loud and clear.
Write on Sister!
I love it! Thank you for sharing in my journey (though this crazy, twisted, tumultuous tunnel) and for sharing it with others as well. I’m so grateful for the passengers!
I think I saw your name on other posts and decided to visit. I keep coming back because just when I am frustrated by my ex and his evil ways (especially when manipulating our son), I remember or read one of your blogs and feel lucky that it is not worse. Then again, our shared child is 19 and lives with him to get free schooling. That and no nagging to get a job. Name names and kick a**.
Ugh. You mean, it’s not going to get better any time soon? My kids are only 11 and 8. I can’t imagine this battle still raging in another 11 years! 🙁
Best of luck to you, and I’ll keep dishing out the horror stories … just to make you feel good in comparison. Deal? Deal…
Better is all relative to how each person chooses to grow up. And by person, I mean the adults. Just when I think things get better, they go south. However, that is his choice on how to act and our son is watching this bullshit. I only hope that said child is learning how not to act with other people.
Well, I’m sure you and I are in the same boat: surrounded by people who keep saying, “the kids will see it all one day, and they’ll understand it, and you’ll come out the winner because they’ll see what you went through and how you tried to protect them,” etc…
I have to PRAY that this is all true. For all of our sakes!
Awesome intro post after some great publicity – a post of mine (from a blog i contribute to) achieved that holy grail you mentioned – WordPress Freshly pressed today – it was a nice suprise to wake up to (i’m in Australia at present, so half my day is over)…..anyway, keep on keeping on.
Well happy Australia Day (a day late, I realize), and thank you for returning the favor of a visit! Definitely hope to see you around here again. 🙂
Gosh, how did I find your blog? I’m sitting here trying to remember, and I can’t seem to. I don’t know if you commented on my Freshly Pressed post a few months ago, or if we found each other through other blogs. Either way, congrats on the recent press and traffic. That’s always a huge high and lots of fun. I’m glad others have found your blog. I’ve really enjoyed following you – you are such a strong person, a great writer and incredibly funny. Keep it up!!
Thank you from the bottom of my blogging heart, Catherine! I am a loyal follower of your blog as well — it’s crazy how invested one can become when they find commonalities in stories and situations. Just know I’m sitting here, cheering you on from the sidelines!
And we rock. ‘Nuff said. 😉
I’m like Catherine… .I can’t remember, exactly. What I DO know is I was Googling shit about divorce, and I came across…. er, “found” your blog. (Sorry, the whole “supple feet and legs” stalker had me LMAO…. I just had to throw another creepy alarm in the mix….)
So, here’s the 2 things I remember about finding your blog. The same day, I found a website w/all the forms and papers required to begin filing divorce (48 for the uncontested, and I think it was 53 for contested). I downloaded all that stuff, and was ummm… kinda panic-stricken.
Then somehow I stumbled across your blog post regarding the “signs”. From there, I spent the rest of the day, starting w/the Patilla story, then going to the brick, and working my way through from there, to whatever the most recent post was that day, and more recently thru the Penis Tiara, and now this post.
I still haven’t filed or finished all the paperwork. But I haven’t missed a new post since I found your blog! 🙂
Btw, took your advice, and finally got mine started here, but w/all the packing and moving prep, not much going on there, yet. I like conversation and discourse, so I’ll probably spend more time here, and at “nakedbokkiie’s” (another fave) since u got the TRAFFIC now girly! *high 5*
Btw, this is BrokenPicker, now reformed into my own V 2.0 SenseYoureGone. Drop by and say hi if you get a chance!
Wow, BrokenPicker-now-turned-senseyouregone, what a story! I’m truly sorry the day you found my blog was such a monumental day for you. But I’m sure glad you’ve stuck around. 🙂
And I’m SO proud of you that you’ve embraced your V2.0! I know it’s too soon for you to realize it, but you’re totally gonna rock this version. Trust me. I have all the faith in the world in you!
I’m not a blogger reader at all. Well not til now. But I read the news. Well ,I goggle the news. And when I saw the ‘love’ story of Carol Anne Riddell and John Partilla I was so furious at their gall, I searched their names for days to see if I was the only one sickened to the stomach. And there you were. Well there your baby was. And your comments made so much sense, they lured me to your website. And low and behold, there was MY betrayal eloquently & humorously documented. At first it was unsettling, quite upsetting as I relived the shock, pain, shame & loss. But as the days past, I saw, instead, strength, growth, confidence & power in your posts and your ‘baby sitter’s’ comments. The stories were uplifting, not to mention entertaining so I’ve become an addict checking the baby many times daily along with my emails, the exchange.rate, ebay, the weather, and facebook. Heck, it’s up there with my banking.
When this baby gets really big be sure to share the milestones so all us baby sitters & godparents can raise a glass to you both from all corners of the world!! So thank YOU Carol & John. But then that’s just the sort of people they are. Always putting others ahead of themselves!
LOL, Salmart. That Care and JP…you’re right — such selfless people! 😉
I’m so glad you’re here, and I hope you stick around. I promise to be more exciting than the exchange rate and not as disturbing as your banking. Well, if your banking is anything like mine, that is…
“the dude who wanted to paint me green like the alien in Star Trek — and then have his way with me.”
Wait… what?
I think I was browsing through the humor tag page on WordPress one day and found your Scrabble Whore entry. And since I love brainy and whorish women, it was too much for me to pass up.
I keep coming back because you’re a fantastic writer and you’re not afraid to expose everything about yourself, which is neat. And you generally seem like good peoples so I’m glad to push whatever few hits you get from me your way.
Hey John…did you miss the post in which I delve into the story of the sex-crazed Trekkie? Click here if you want the full scoop.
Thanks for being a loyal follower of this whorish, brainy chick. Much appreciated! 😉
You are hilarious–you almost inspire me to get off my lazy ass and write in my own blog once in a while. Please read mine if you are in an extremely charitable mood and have consumed lots of red wine.
Thanks for the entertainment,
Trailertrashdeluxe
Are you actually inviting me to drink red wine and read? If so, you’re my new best friend: Cuz trust me, that’s my FAVORITE pastime! 🙂
Thank you for reading.
“Scum bag whores” would be a great name for a punk band–wow you have some excitable comment discuss-ers. Question is: how is your fun divorce thing going these days? I don’t know, maybe you could, say, write a new, whattaya call it, blog entry, about it sometime before the sun explodes. No pressure or anything–just sayin’.
Mikalee I clicked on your blog after you responded to the FP’d Digital Natives blog. Your response was articulate and I related to your views. How fun to get to your blog and love it.
I love your search word savviness. Most of my blog clicks have been through searches like “breasts” and “penis” though most of my blogs are bird pictures. I laugh everytime thinking of the poor bastard hoping to get some nudity and getting a bird picture. What a let down.
Thanks for the entertainment Mikalee.
Your photos are outstanding! 🙂
Well I’m just going to have to venture over and check out these penis- and breast-inspired bird pix. 😉
Thank you for visiting!
Mikalee, I love your blog. I feel badly for enjoying it so much knowing it is based on a lot of pain but the writing is hilarious – you are a great writer. It must be very cathartic to put this on paper. I hope wonderful opportunities come from this – the best revenge is “living well” and you are well on the way. Good luck and keep writing!
Thank you, snowbunny — for the compliments, feedback and inspiration.
I once saw Vanessa Williams interviewed (talk about finding inspiration in strange places), and she said “Success is the sweetest revenge.” That’s my new mantra.
I’m so glad you’re visiting, and thank you for the comment!
More more
That’s what he said?
😉
I have read through your blog in the past, but until this very minute, I have not read your introduction. Needless to say you are one funny female. I am still trying to get the nerve to write about my marriage and divorce from Lucifers offspring. Being married now to a normal human seems to prevent me from returning to the past. My new wife knows of my life with the ex, but until she sees it in words from begin to end, she has no clue how that train wreck went. Thanks again for sharing your story.
Well thank YOU for being here, and I for one would welcome reading someone else’s Luciferian (I think I just made that up) tale of love and loss.
Sounds like you’re better off (as am I): Here’s to us in our 2.0 versions!
“Lucifer’s offspring?”…. Wait… so, I married your ex’s twin sister?
I’ve honestly no idea how I came across you, however I am soooo glad I did! You absolutely crack me up, and when reading your posts, I actually do ‘LOL’! x
Well thank you kindly for being part of my crazy blogging family. Much appreciated! 🙂
You found me first and were kind enough to comment on my being “freshly pressed” but I’m going to one-up you and become a subscriber. Lady, you rock. I’m kind of glad that we’re not meeting in person so I don’t have to stumble over my pronunciation problem. And now, for a Michelob. 😉
LOVED your FP post, and love love LOVE that you’re now a subscriber. Thank you!
And Michelob has served me well in life. Bottom’s up!
You are an amazing writer, Mikalee. You left a comment on my blog and I thank you for it because I found yours that way. Except that I read this post at work and laughed out loud. Your blog should come up with a warning 🙂
Have a great week!
Nadia … thank you so much! Sorry about the inappropriate workplace laughter. Hope I didn’t get you in trouble. 😉
Welcome to my bouncing baby blog’s family. Don’t be a stranger!
So wonderful, Mikalee….You definitely have it going on.
Well I don’t know about that…but I do know I’m having fun.
Thanks for being part of the family, Mary. Odd how the degrees of separation can work out sometimes, isn’t it? 😉
You’re omnipresent. Your avatar appears almost everywhere. In the end I couldn’t resist, and had to take a peek.
Yip, I’ll admit it: I’m kinda territorial about the blogging. Gotta leave my mark.
I guess it’s better than peeing everywhere, right?
😉
Glad you visited, Tooty Nolan!
TIME is no respecter of angry divorcees and twisted souls. However, I encourage you to maintain your integrity and even intensify the madness if you are so inclined. I’ll likely read and send you flirty messages either way.
Most excellent. I heart flirty messages in response to my own special brand of madness!
What about the pastor????
please, please, please tell us about the pastor!!!!
Soon, Le…soon.
😉
Your Blog is funny, well written and captures the reader’s interest. I came across your Blog because I was googling “Can a second marriage work that started as an affair?” I am the other woman. I am the one you hate who was in an outwardly happy marriage but dying on the inside because she couldn’t connect in anyway to her husband who was and still is a very nice man. I am the one who looked up an old love and started an affair that resulted in us both leaving our marriages. I would feel bad about it except that I am so damn happy. I imagine his Ex feels just as you. She has no contact with us and he is currently fighting to see his daughter who she has not allowed him access to in almost a year.
I tell you all this for one reason. I am a nice person (Ask anyone. I have lots of friends) who did a selfish thing. I will not be defined as a selfish person because I try everyday to make life OK for my kids and my Ex just as you shouldn’t be defined as someone with trust issues.
Life is not Black and White. I hope my Ex and my soon to be husband’s Ex can find a way to be OK as well.
Thanks for letting me vent.
So you needed to goggle ‘Can a second marriage work that started as an affair?’ because? Doubts already ? What were you expecting to find?
You’re a nice person, ask anybody? His child, his ex, her parents, her siblings? Her friends who are left picking up the pieces? Anybody…. really? You don’t feel responsible for the train wreck you’ve caused to have what YOU wanted?
Of all the single men in the world you couldn’t find ONE to date rather than look up an old love & finding he had, of his own free will, already chosen to make a lifelong commitment to somebody, and had chosen to father a precious child with that person, a child who has one chance at childhood you then decided their well being and happiness didn’t count for anything because you were bored in your own marriage? You don’t even feel bad because you’re so happy…. and that’s not selfish?
Are there signs your new old love isn’t so ‘damn happy’ with the destruction of someone he once loved and is missing the daughter he hasn’t seen in a year? Big sacrifice. Are you worth it, or is he going to resent the losses and guilt, sooner or later?
What did goggle throw up? Stats aren’t on your side. When the excitement of the fling is replaced by the reality of ongoing damage control, childhood romantic fantasies disappear very quickly. Why did you break up if you’re so perfect for each other? And you each moved on & chose someone else you PREFERRED to marry.
It’s sounding a lot like the Carol Anne & John Story to me. ‘We just had to inflict pain & instability to those who loved & trusted us, including children, to have what WE wanted, but no we’re not selfish’.
When the cracks appear & this one turns to custard, do some lucky wife & kids a favour & just date single men. Men are so easily tempted, in the short term. Old past failed loves are just that for a reason.
No, life is not black and white. And marriage isn’t easy. Life is hard. People in glass houses. . . And a million other platitudes that you can repeat over and over in your effort to assuage your conscience and bury your transgressions.
What you did was far more than just selfish. The two of you destroyed your families. You betrayed your spouses. You damaged your children. The devastation you caused will follow your ex-spouses and your kids for the rest of their lives. I know. And there is *no* justification for what you have done – *no* excuse.
Sure. You may be a nice person, deep down, with a lot of friends, but how many of those friends will leave you alone with their husbands now? How many of those friends don’t confide in you like they used to? Dont’ you see? You have proven yourself to be untrustworthy, weak, cowardly and, yes, completely selfish. You don’t care if you cause other people terrible pain as long as you’re happy! You’ll lie, hide, cheat and take what isn’t yours just so you’ll feel better for a while. You betrayed your kids, your husband, your family. Why should anybody really trust you as a “friend?”
And I think, deep down, you already know all of this.
What you may not have realized, what with you being so darn happy and all, is that you also damaged yourself – a fact that is evidenced by your attempts to Google some trust and fidelity into your joyous new life. Your happiness will fade. Life will intrude. And, in time, you will find yourself unable to connect and, once again, “dying inside.” Only this time, it will be a little easier to cross the line and betray your vows. After all, you’ve done it before and look how great that worked out (and, you assure yourself, IT WILL BE DIFFERENT THIS TIME!)! Or, maybe, you won’t want to deal with the devastation of wrecking yet another home, so you remain faithful. Only now there’s this nagging little feeling you have that maybe your partner in crime isn’t as happy with you as he is when he’s away from you. You notice that he’s spending a lot of time away from home – working late, hanging out with “the guys,” hitting the gym. He sure seems to be dressing a lot better these days. . . Wearing cologne. . . Maybe spending a little extra time in front of the mirror. I wonder if he’s found someone new. . ?
That nagging doubt will always be there. It will live inside you til your last breath.
That’s part of the destruction you caused, too.
And, no, it cannot be undone.
You can try to relieve your guilt by making yourself out to be the victim (“I was dying inside” and “I am the one you hate”), but it won’t help.
And the thing that will gnaw at you the most? You aren’t even worthy of being hated. You are to be pitied. You will have to go through life with the undeniable knowledge that you have no honor.
And you alone will bear that burden. Your ex may be hurt and have relationship issues in the future, but at least he doesn’t have to be ashamed of what he has done.
You do.
And I feel sorry for you.
Hi, Michele — you’re absolutely welcome to vent here any time, and I admire you for your bravery in posting. Now, I am not here to judge you — everyone has a story, and all I know is what you’ve shared (which I’m sure is but a small snapshot). Of course, I have strong, raw, visceral reactions to your response, having been on the other side of this situation.
But what I do hope you and all who read this blog will understand is this: People cheat, and I know this. People fall out of love, and I know this, too. But what I’ve experienced in the aftermath of my own brick story — the lack of acknowledgment of the impact on our kids, the disrespect, the audacity, the sanctimony, etc. — has been the worst part of the whole deal. I’m sure people get over betrayal and heartbreak, but when you have to encounter these people who have done this to you and your kids almost daily, and they are campaigning against you through your children, and they act as though they were entitled to destroying your life and upending your children’s safety…that’s the hardest part.
I’m sure you’re a nice person. But you say “ask anyone”: how does your soon-to-be-new-husband’s-ex-wife feel about that statement? What you did wasn’t nice. But it was yours and his choice to make, end of story. I’d just ask, as someone who’s been on the other side: please try to understand what his ex wife is feeling. And act accordingly.
Thank you for sharing. And please know that I’ve struggled with publishing the comments I’m receiving in response to your comment, but this is an open blog and debate is encouraged. And you’ve chosen to share your story, so others can share theirs as well.
I do wish you well. Love is hard enough to find — finding it under such challenging circumstances promises its own unique struggles.
Thanks for your response. I agree with you that you should publish the responses to my post. I knew what to expect and thought long and hard about posting but I thought it was ironic that someone like me would enjoy your blog. nI response to some comments and questions – My situation has a complicated back story. I posted here for a couple of reasons:
To say that life is not black and white. I am the devil to most of you (I don’t say that for sympathy it is just a fact) but I do feel bad about the people I have hurt or why else would I read a blog like this.
Life can be unfair but how you handle life’s challenges determines who you are. It is easy to hate and blame someone who has clearly wronged you but know that probably those people have guilt as well. I am not saying to feel sorry for them but understand that they are human and just trying to get through the day.
Do you think it is better to stay with someone you don’t love for the sake of the children? My children are much happier now but I have a decent relationship with my Ex. His children are not OK but that is because his EX has totally turned them against him because he left her for me. Is that OK? I am not sure except I know that she is probably doing the best she can with what she was delt. Who is to blame? Should he have stayed married and be unhappy?
I am making no judgements – just saying we live in the gray.
Should you stay in an unhappy marriage for the sake of the children? No.
Should you do everything in your power to make your marriage happy? Yes.
If all attempts at happiness fail, should you still stay married? Absolutely not.
Do you deserve to be happy and find love? Without a doubt, yes.
Except you didn’t deal with your marital issues. If you weren’t in love with your husband and wanted out, fine. Divorce him, co-parent your kids as best as you both are able and move on. In that order. That’s what your husband deserved. That’s what your kids deserved.
That’s not what they got, was it?
Did your ex deserve to be lied to? Cheated on? Betrayed? Did your kids? For that matter, what about the other ex? Did she deserve what you did to her? I bet she’s a nice person, too (Ask anybody!)! Right?
You obviously are too self-absorbed to have bothered asking those questions. Everything you are doing now is just a desperate attempt to clear your conscience. Posting your failings to this blog and reading the responses probably feels like pennance, doesn’t it?
You make no judgements and “live in the gray” because you lack the convictions and honor to stand on your word. A solemn promise from you is conditional upon your current mood and mental state.
Congratulations.
You may think your kids are much happier now, but they were watching. They will remember how you “got through your day” – cheating and lying rather than acting like a grownup and dealing with your problems above board.
“Life can be unfair but how you handle life’s challenges determines who you are.” Your words, not mine, right? When you faced adversity in your marriage, you actively sought out an affair, cheated on your family, lied to your family, destroyed your family and now seek to justify it because you were “dying inside.”
Exactly what determination are we supposed to make as to who you are?
Actually she’s not a nice person but that in no way makes what her husband and I did OK.
I don’t think this is pennance – I am Jewish and don’t believe in it.
I am sorry that you are so angry. I try to put myself in your shoes – I assume you had a spouse who cheated and left you – maybe I am wrong but you do seem to have strong feelings.
As for my situation I didn’t cheat for very long. Within the first month I came clean with my husband and told him I wanted out which is probably why we have a decent relationship but my Fiance did not do that. He hid our affair from his wife for over a year and only confessed when he was caught. I knew all this but continued to see him.
What I did was wrong but who out there hasn’t made a mistake. Don’t hold too tightly onto your anger. It only hurts you. Sometimes when you forgive you give yourself the ability to move on.
This may not be your situation at all but I am sure many people who read this blog are in that situation. Someone like me isn’t worth your anger. Honestly I feel bad but it doesn’t change anything.
First of all, I don’t hate you. I’m not angry with you. I’m not really angry, at all, with anyone! I feel sorry for you. I really do. Mostly, though, I feel sorry for your children.
And, for the record, you are only partially right with regards to my own situation. Yes, I have a spouse who cheated. No, we did not end our marriage. We both decided to accept responsibility for our mistakes that led to the deterioration of our relationship, change what we were doing to drive each other away and focus on improving ourselves and our marriage. That doesn’t completely explain my attitude, though. The full genesis of my distaste for your actions actually stems from my father’s philandering ways. He, too, left my mother – our family – for another woman when I was young. Even though I came to realize that we were *much* better off without him, it still had a profound impact on my views of fidelity and its critical importance to a successful marriage. When I told you your actions would have a lifelong impact on your children, I was speaking from experience.
All of this doesn’t make me in any way better or, obviously, more maritally successful than you or anybody else – maybe just a little sadder and wiser than the average Joe when it comes to infidelity.
I had to learn a lot of lessons the *really* hard way in order for them to stick. And I have been around long enough and seen it happen enough to be a firm believer in Karma. Believe me, I have met Karma face-to-face and she is a *real* BI-OTCH! And, I’m afraid, you and your fellow-philanderer have a heavy dose headed your way. You say you “made a mistake,” but a mistake doesn’t last for over a year. You made a choice – repeatedly – to do something you knew was wrong and would most likely have devestating consequences for many innocent people. And now you are hoping for success in a relationship that was founded upon deceit and adultery.
Not what I would consider to be a strong foundation.
I wish you luck – honestly, I do. Not so much for your own benefit as for your children. It sounds like your ex really is a stand-up kinda guy who is truly interested in protecting your kids. You are very fortunate in that regard. It would be a complete shame if your children had to be put through additional trauma and pain because of choices they didn’t make.
At this point, I leave you with the encouragement to accept the fact that there is no reason, no excuse, no justification for what you did. It was wrong. Period. And no one deserves to have done to them what you did to your spouse and his. And then apologize to your children and explain all of the above to them. Let them know that you expect better from them and from yourself from now on.
And then live it. Every day.
Good luck.
Mike
@ Michele
{ just saying we live in the gray }
My dear, I think you live in the dark. Did you ever stop to think that his daughter is angry due to her own feelings? Her dad betrayed her mom and in her mind walked out on “their” family. I am trying to understand you but, honestly.. you acted like a whore! I am sorry but the definition does fit.. you tempted a married man. ( I would be leery of my daughter being around that type of moral influence too.) The only difference here is that his old family is paying your cost. I understand what it means to be in a relationship and feel like you are “dying inside”… but at least you still had self respect. You lost yourself even more with what you did. You probably fell in lust with the idea of what you thought love was supposed to be, you never really did the work to have it. Honestly, are you really happier now? If you were… you wouldn’t be questioning your relationship by Google-ing it to see if it will work.. and here is the cold hard truth.. NO, probably not.. Why? because it was a relationship based on a lustful, lying, cheating, selfish, sinful start.. IT WAS NOT FOR LOVE! If you “loved” him you would have left him alone, instead of bringing him into your unhappy mess. You may choose to stay together because lets face it, if you decided to break it off you know you will look like a total ass. ;)..and you thought you were dying on the inside before? ??? I don’t know what you expected when you made the choices you did .. He was not your prince charming.. You were clearly not a princess.. and sweetheart .. your life is never gonna be a fairytale. There will not be a happily ever after this time! You can’t change what you have done, you can only learn from it… So say you’re sorry and if the day comes say goodbye.. Then for heaven sakes.. Stay the hell away from married men!! I am sure you already know that by now. Some people always have to find out the hard way.
{ I am making no judgments – just saying we live in the gray.}
Only because you know you’re wrong!
FYI: I am not making any judgments either. Bull crap! We all judge! I am sick of everything having to be politically correct all the time… Don’t ask me to lay down 😉 for wrong. It is OK and about damn time to stand up for what’s right.
Mikalee.. stop editing my post in you head. lol. 🙂 That’s why you’re the writer here.. and the queen of penis tiaras.. just to top the list. I am clearly not a writer, but had to speak my piece.. I tried to back off.. but I just couldn’t. 🙂 sorry to intrude on your blog… 🙂 but thanks for putting it up in the first place!
One comment here from the “queen of penis tiaras” (I kinda dig that, may have to add that to the business card):
Yes, @Crystal, it’s clear that what Michele did was on some fundamental level “wrong” — especially according to those of us who have suffered as a result of a similar experience. HOWEVER, she admits that, is contrite, does acknowledge the immorality and takes responsibility. Isn’t that inherently different from the actions of people like some we all know and love — including good ol’ JP and Care?
There is a difference between brazenly sweeping the past away and bragging about your inherent star-crossed-lover-ness and trying your best to do what is right NOW after starting down a not-so-right path. Right?
Or have I just confused the whole situation? 😉
It is so intriguing to witness a “shark attack on land” and the shark justifying it’s actions. IT claims it can’t help it’s own nature. Sharks are just black and white with no morality or souls. When bored or hungry, smelling blood in the water… they go after what they want with no second thoughts. To bad for the outcome of their victims. Sharks needed to eat too !. They act on instinct and impulse. They feel no guilt about who they are. Ask all their shark friends… they are such nice sharks. Here kitty, kitty.
Mikalee. You are too polite! Did you read the line. ‘I would feel bad about it except that I am so damn happy’. That says it all. She doesn’t feel bad! C’mon girl, say what you really mean!
ONE YEAR he sneaked around lying & cheating & sharing bodily fluids with an unsuspecting wife who believed she was in a committed exclusive relationship. ONE YEAR and only fessed up when caught out. Does that sound like someone desperately unhappy??? You know he would still be in his marriage today if you weren’t a scum bag predator, and his daughter would have her Daddy in her life.
We all have ‘levels’ of integrity. We don’t shoplift because we might not get away with it. We just don’t do it, because it doesn’t feel right. It’s in our bring. It’s in our make-up.
For you to ‘look up’ an old flame who is in a marriage & then interest him in you, & then spend a year sneaking & lying together, shows your level of integrity. No, you’re not a nice person.
Poor bastard you’ve lured away. Whoosh. What was that? Your life, as you knew it! His integrity is shot now too, lost along with a meaningful day to day relationship with his daughter. For you, a whore. He’ll wake up soon & you’ll get what you deserve. Bet you hated that he didn’t leave his wife for a year! And then still didn’t actually make the decision to leave, had to have it made for him when the shit hit the fan. ick.
You’re a scum bag whore. And if you can’t see it, you’re on one foolish fantasy trip. Won’t be long before you look in the mirror & see what everyone else sees. And it ain’t pretty!
Okey dokey, friends…the only thing differentiating us from an angry mob right now is our lack of pitchforks! So it’s my duty to step in and ask that we dial it back just a bit. And here’s why.
I completely understand the emotion we all feel in this situation, because obviously, we’ve exposed a nerve here. And while I’m hoping this blog serves as a point of catharsis for many, I also want to foster an environment that is open, honest and inspires a positive dialogue. I don’t want this devolving into a springboard for angry name calling and finger pointing. That’s not productive.
@Salmart, you say I’m being too polite, but I honestly don’t think so. Do I personally believe that cheating is morally reprehensible: Yes. But there is a critical difference between what Michele has expressed and exhibited and what I (and many of us) have experienced: she is clearly feeling pangs of guilt, and regret, and remorse. She acknowledges a mistake, and yes, she also said she’d feel bad except she’s “too damn happy.” But at least she seems cognizant of what she has done and what her fiance has done. They get to live with their choices — but by coming here and commenting, she gets this platform just like the rest of us.
I do hope you can all understand that I won’t be approving any more comments that contain name calling. I want this to be an open, sometimes heated, always productive sharing of ideas and issues … and name calling inherently undermines that productivity.
Thanks to you all! 🙂
I found you through some other blog where you posted a reply. You title must have grabbed me. I became a subscriber/groupie/minion, take me I’m yours! 🙂
Mistress Mikalee did you get my gift and find it worthy? 🙂
Love love LOVE having minions. Now I need to practice my tented fingers and evil laugh. 😉
And I have to admit to being horrible at checking my mail (it’s one of those community boxes…hate those). So I just checked the mail…and in answer to your questions: I did and I do! You’re amazing. Thank you kindly, Mr. Woodcrafting. 🙂
Glad you like it! I am honored! You are very welcome.
I found you because you found me! Isn’t that niiiiice! But I’m (relatively and that’s the best we can hope for) happily married and kind of afraid to subscribe in case you lure me to the dark side.
LOL! No dark side here … just shades of grey.
Congrats on your (relatively) happy marriage. I wish you relative happiness for the rest of eternity!
(Seriously: I’m a huge fan of happy marriages. And I’m glad you’re here…even if you won’t subscribe. Sheesh.)
😉
{ Okey dokey, friends…the only thing differentiating us from an angry mob right now is our lack of pitchforks!}
Ok I agree Mikalee, In my post I was speaking my mind about a situation, but didn’t want to bring out the pitchfork on Michele herself. I pointed out how Michele was acting, I don’t think that is who “she” is. I don’t know her personally… I judge the actions not her. This situation has just been occurring so much in the media and in the lives of so many. I do think there is a Huge difference between those who may feel a little guilty vs those who are really sorry. There are those who like Michele.. admits it, learns from it and moves forward.. and yes, I believe they are entitled to at some point, be happy in their new relationship. Then There are those out there who clearly don’t give a dam and exploit what they have done. Those are the real sharks.. They don’t care and never learn, because they think going for what “they” want gives them an entitlement to it all, no matter who gets hurt, they figure that’s what all others deserve for getting in their way. Now, Michele may have tempted, but you can’t make someone do anything they don’t want.. she didn’t force him.. she went fishing and he bit the hook. She is I believe remorseful.. A little confused about the daughters own possible point of view still.. but, she will have to cross that bridge after.. the daughters dad rebuilds it. So to Michell, I do apologize to you personally, however, I still stand firm on my morals and beliefs and I hope you can respect that. 🙂 I don’t think you need to change who “you” are to be a good person, I think you made some really bad choices that lead you to who you didn’t want to be and never really were.. get back to you. learn, ask for forgiveness.. then except it and move on. 🙂
Interesting food for thought. All this talk about ‘deep down’ niceness. How do we define a ‘nice person’. We all know them. Think about your ‘nicest’ friends and what makes them so nice? Are they the ones that are kind, honest, giving, selfless, caring, have class, honor, and integrity?
As far as morals & integrity go I like the analogy of a line. At one end is the pedophiles and murderers who prey on children & end or ruin lives for ever. At the other end is the ‘nicest’ people, the pillars of society. In between is everyone else. We all fit on the line somewhere. Would we steal off a big department store if they gave us the wrong change? Would we give it back if it was a corner store family business? Through our make up & our experiences we fit somewhere along the line & we shuffle around there. Gaols are full of those who knowingly broke the law and are now being punished and/or kept out of society because nice people shouldn’t have to be hurt or stolen from in an ordered society.
Nice people make a mistake or two. Everyone makes mistakes. We don’t mean to, and we feel bad when we do & we do our best to rectify the situation.
Not pointing the finger at anybody, but if an old flame looks up their childhood sweetheart & finds they are in a marriage & sleeps with them once or twice, then they could be accused of having poor judgment & acting immorally. Whoops. Down the ‘nice person’ line they go but just a notch or ten. But if the bad judgment & immoral behavior goes on a year and results in devastation, pain , and permanent losses, is that just a ‘little mistake’ nice people make? A one year mistake?
There’s a lot of pussyfooting around apologizing & respecting the rights to air opinions here without being criticized. One wonders about the wisdom of the ‘other’ woman coming on a blog dedicated to rebuilding lives that have had the rug pulled from under them by people who made the same decisions & choices she made.
I know for sure in my case, if ‘another ‘ woman hadn’t have appeared & made herself so very available & desperately needy, including suicide attempts because our shared love wasn’t choosing her & leaving his family, he would still be happily married & more importantly his children would have grown up with a day -to -day daddy. After reading the hillarious ‘signposts’ in Mikalee’s earlier post I think I can safely assume that her husband also was not bitterly unhappy (in fact being the pefect couple, I’d go as far as to say the signposts prove, right to the end he was HAPPILY married.) Clearly he wasn’t contemplating divorce & ‘dying inside’ after exhausting all avenues of counseling to save his family from destruction & heartbreak.
A poster said ‘He wouldn’t have gone if he didn’t want to’. He wouldn’t have gone if he wasn’t offered something ‘different’ not even better. It’s human nature to get bored & accustomed to what you’ve got after years & years, so we all seek change & new excitements. I loved reading MIkalee’s story because she affirmed this in so many posts. There were NO SIGNS. He wasn’t unhappy!! She isn’t HOT. So many readers will say, until their cheating spouse got caught, they didn’t even actually make the decision to leave.
I had to smile, or was it shake my head, when the ‘other woman said his ex actually wasn’t a ‘nice person’. That’s rich. After my husband betrayed us and I was filled with the confusing emotions of jealousy, anger, sadness, and loss, not to mention shock, which soon developed into physical illness, I think I can safely say I wasn’t a ‘nice’ person throughout that time and for some time afterward. In fact I once read a post by someone who had been through a similar situation as it having ‘eaten her sanity’. So trues, as before my brick hit me I was such a happy go lucky, caring kind soul with high self respect & all of a sudden I was this new person I didn’t recognize. So his ex isn’t a ‘nice’ person these fresh raw days & she is. Just ask all her friends.
Wow – I didn’t mean to set off such a firestorm but I guess I should have known better. (I guess you could say that is the story of my life)
@mike – “I am a nice person (just ask anyone) was my feeble attempt at humor. I don’t really think that the fact that I may have friends who like me makes me a nice person.
I can’t find who wrote it but someone said they judge the wisdom of me posting on this site and I totally agree. It probably wasn’t too smart but the Blog about the signs got to me. In my case with my husband there were many signs namely that I kept telling him that I was unhappy but then I would live my day to day life and we would socialize and have fun so he didn’t take me serious. He always said to me you have a blessed life be happy OR I just can’t make you happy maybe you should find someone who can. Yet with all that he was still shocked when I told him.
“Joe” (i think that is better than Fiancee) claims his wife knew too she just didn’t want to admit it and I wonder. Clearly most of you had no idea – Is that because you didn’t want to know or there really were no signs?
Lastly – I know this is going to piss people off but I have one more comment. I think that it is naive to think that your spouses were lured away against their will by a predator. They are all adults and my guess is this was not their first affair. People rarely get caught their first time.
“people rarely get caught their first time” !
WOW, you say that with such sureness. You must have so much experience with trespassing into other ‘s relationships and coveting what is not yours…. to be such an authority.
Nicely said! This (blog comments exchange) has gotten better than television. When you can get “trespassing” and “coveting” in one short sentance, you’re onto something.
Of course the other side of that coin is the one who broke their vows — which seem to mean nothing anymore. I mean, how many vows do you take in a lifetime? You would think people could keep just one!
Fun blog. You’ve a great style.
Thank you so much. Hope to see you around here again…
Found your blog through the JP and Carol article and I am so glad I did. I’m not divorced, or divorcing so I guess I’m one of the ones living vicariously through you. I love your style of writing, draws you in and grabs you. You must be a hoot to have as a friend. Sucks that you had to go through all of this, but I think you know now what you’re really made of, and it’s probably more and better than what you thought.
Thank you so much, whynot! I’m glad you found me, too.
Yip, I’m more than happy to have gone through all of this so that you all have something crazy to read. And in reality, I’m far better off, and I’m so grateful to have found my voice!
Michele says:
{They are all adults and my guess is this was not their first affair. People rarely get caught their first time.}
Are you freaking kidding me? Honestly, I was giving you the benefit of the doubt here… OK, maybe you shouldn’t get back to “you”… If indeed you’re saying this was not your first time cheating, then I stick to my first post .. and sorry for this but, I then also agree with most of what Salmart said.
Your post came off so pompous! Is this your version of therapy? Are you a glutton for punishment? Surely you are awaiting the tongue lashings with statements like; {Michele says: Lastly – I know this is going to piss people off but I have one more comment.} Yeah Michele, Ya think??? come on! OK, I will not give you one more moment of my time or thoughts.. This is Mikalee ‘s blog and about her journey. I would rather read of how she deals with a women like you and still tries to rise above it all… Thanks for helping to paint the picture, now we all know how difficult it really must be!
@ Mikalee, I vote for a new blog post.. PLEASE!! 🙂 like: Top 10 smart ass 😉 responses to dealing with a “Marilyn” figure ..( who has made statement’s similar to that of Michele s.) Just an idea.. I know you can take it and make it great!!..lol. This may be taking a step backwards on your road ahead but, it could be a form of therapy too.. …laughter is the best medicine they say. I think when we can take a hard situation and add some humor into it, it seems to not be so bad and it helps us gain a new perspective that allows us to move on.. After you have dealt with the hard reality of the situation first.. and of course this doesn’t work with every hard situation we have to go through in life and it may not always be appropriate.. but in this case.. You know you can Bring it sister! lol 🙂
I’m trying! I promise! There will be a new post … um … soon?
(Did that come off as lacking confidence as I think it did?)
😉
Great blog. Saw a link via a Freshly Pressed comment you left and came here – the read all 18! You’re a great writer and sounds like you’re moving forward in the right way….
Wow, Dave…you’re a total over-achiever! Thanks for reading and visiting. Hope to see you around here again.
Hi Mikalee, sipping coffee before I launch myself into my workshop ( I have a lot to do, unfortuately) I read your Reno Magazine articles and enjoyed them – a cut above the usual Dentist Waiting Room stuff. Why not put some more of your pro-work up as you do it or do you have to dance around magazine copyright ? Anyway, suffice to say, nice ones (articles, that is). !
Mikalee Byerman says:
February 2, 2011 at 3:09 pm
I’m trying! I promise! There will be a new post … um … soon?
(Did that come off as lacking confidence as I think it did?)
😉
Just a bit, although I understand how preoccupied your mind must be this week.:)
You take care. . 🙂 until you can blog again.:)
Gee Whiz, that’s a hell of a conversation you’ve got going on in these comments! Personally, I’m more than a little tired of hearing, “Don’t judge me. I’m a nice person,” from people who have knowingly and with forethought, hurt others. The attempt to change one’s own karma should be personal. We’re supposed to concentrate on ourselves and make choices about how we want to impact others, and be seen by them. To make this attempt remorselessly and publicly toward others, changes it’s character into one of simple selfishness. Selfishness will never earn you a berth on that higher plane.
You can only make things better by moving forward with your chin up, determing to keep sincerely saying you are sorry when your past wrongs rear their ugly heads (especially when the one’s hurt were children — they carry it forever) and by resolving to understand that your feeling of entitlement to anything you desire, and are able to get, is the basic wrong that fuels most of our human population’s ills.
I have had a lot of experience with substance addiction (unfortunately for me, since I’ve never indulged, and I’m not a counselor in a clinic.) The woman in previous comments, who is trying to get us to understand her point of view as “the other woman,” is behaving like a drug addict. Every addict believes that we should understand their need for the substance they sought out one time too many. They want our indulgence and support while they wrestle with the consequences of their choices. It’s the worst thing we can do for them, but at least they have the effects of what they’ve physically done to their brains, to partly account for their attempts to have us forgive the pain they’ve inflicted on others. The pure selfishness of “the other woman’s” desire for us to see her as a “nice” person is galling. I don’t care if she’s a nice person in every other way. You can’t make amends for your actions while pretending you didn’t do anything awful, and you can’t move forward and be a better person, if you don’t understand the importance of making amends.
Thanks, Mikalee, for taking the politically correct high road, and letting this woman speak long enough to hang herself, and for letting me toss my two cents onto the heap.
Just goes to show you, if you piss off the right people, good things can happen. Hmm…is that an actual saying? Seems unlikely. Anyway, great to read your stuff and congrats on the success. I was lucky enough to be freshly pressed once and after the exposure died off, I’ve been jonesin’ for more! I hope you’ll check out my page and if you find it interesting (or hate it with a passion), I hope maybe you’ll mention it sometime. I’m going to subscribe by the way. Keep up the shitty work! Haha!
That level of attention does make you crave more, doesn’t it? I keep thinking to myself, “How do I beat 4,086 in one day?” The answer: I simply can’t, and I’ve been telling my boyfriend, my family, my supporters this ever since…almost as a disclaimer. A “don’t expect this again” warning, so that I acknowledge the freaky, quirky nature of it all!
Let’s just hope I’m not like some bad ’80s band one-hit-wonder. Like Kajagoogoo’s “Too Shy.” Please let me not be Kajagoogoo! 😉
I am so glad I found you, thank you Hack! A friend and I have been thinking of taking a show out on the road – Bitter and Twisted. I am bitter, she is twisted, but we can swap roles at the drop of a hat. Love your baby steps and blog and look fwd to signing up and reading more. This topic, sadly, seems to a never ending source of predictable pain. The “I didn’t mean to hurt you” (I didn’t mean to get caught . . .) and the “I don’t love you that way anymore” when we were too kind to let them know that long ago, because we adapt, supposedly. If you think these are your baby steps, mine are still in the zygote lab but I am gearing up. Thank you WordPress. She says smiling bravely . . . . keep shooting from that lip!
Bitter and Twisted: I love that.
Scratch that: I love love LOVE that! 😉
Good luck with the zygote stage … ugh. So new, so fresh and early — so PAINFUL! I’m so sorry, and I wish you only the best. If I could offer one humble piece of advice: Just keeping communicating, and definitely accept help and support from those offering. It makes ALL the difference!