Blog
There are a metric ton of blog posts here (I know because I’ve weighed them),
but if you want the Cliff’s Notes version, check this out!
Hi. I’m the Universe’s Bitch. Nice to Meet You.
When I was a senior in high school, the “new guy” in school was assigned the locker right next to mine. His last name, luckily enough: Butler. Mine: Byerman. So it was a match made in alphabetical-order heaven. He was dreamy. He was confident and suave. He was...
Taking the Bull(shit) by the Horns
A comment left on The Brick, Part 2: Isn’t this is a grand pity party – what I have to say is not what you want to hear. There is a definitely a lot of shock value in a highly intelligent and educated woman saying, writing, and thinking “fuck” a lot. That’s what...
The Brick, Part 2
Hi.I hope you’re well. Seriously, I do.I ran into a friend not too long ago, who lamented the fact that I wasn’t posting to my blog. I told her I wasn’t sure why — “…just too busy, I guess” was my response.But she had another take. Her analysis: “It’s clear you’re...
Pardon me. I think I just posted…
As you all probably know, I am divorced. (Remember that pesky brick? Yes indeed, I am epically, happily divorced.) And as you all also may know, I am a mom. (No comments from the peanut gallery about the surprise baby, please...so I'll be 85 when she graduates from...
The one where Jennifer Aniston presses her supple lips to my soft, tender cheek…
This post is going to be a crazy hot mess of gooey randomness, because as usual, there’s lots going on. Mostly, I’m covered head-to-toe in baby drool, and I can’t get “My binky is hiding from Mommy…” out of my head (sung to the tune of “My Bonnie Lies Over the...
WTF???????????????
What are you looking at? Yeah, that’s right. You. Right there. I see you, with that perplexed look on your face. That furled brow. That "who-the-Methuselah is this baby, and why am I getting an email from this person I had practically forgotten even existed?" look....
An Ode to Three Douche Canoes
(My Open Letter to the Ass Hats Who Tried to Break Into My Home — While I Watched) __________________________________________ Dearest Douche Canoes: Like I didn’t have enough trust issues. So there I was a coupla weeks ago, working from home on a Monday. And guess...
How My Marriage Ended with a Brick: Peep Edition
Alternate title: If a Brick Falls on an Unsuspecting Wife in a Happy Marriage, Does it Make a Peep? Just a teeny-weeny post today to say Happy Easter to those who celebrate...and to simply say "'sup" to those who don't. Cuz that's how I roll. And if you haven't yet...
I Know You Are But What Am I? (Actually, That’s a Load of Crap, So Tell Me What/How/Who You Are…Please?)
Who’s with me? Isn’t “I Know You Are But What Am I?” indubitably the single most profound verbal bitch-slap ever to use against anyone who calls you a name? Childish? Probably. But a total zinger nonetheless. Just remember: I have a brother who’s two years older...
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